Значение ЧЁРНАЯ ГАДЮКА (ТЕЛЕСЕРИАЛ) в Цитатнике Wiki

Data: 2009-03-01 Time: 13:43:04

__NOTOC__ '''' (1983, 1986, 1987, 1989, 1999). Авторы: Ричард Кертис, Бен Элтон и Роуэн Аткинсон.

=Чёрная Гадюка=

=Предсказание=

:''Накануне битвы.'': Ричард III. Кто это?: Ричард, герцог Йоркский. Я не знаю, милорд. Я спрошу своего сына. Гарри! Кто это?: Принц Гарри. Это ваш другой сын, милорд.: Ричард Йоркский (''Ричарду III''). Это мой другой сын, милорд.: Ричард III. Он будет биться с нами завтра?: Ричард Йоркский (''принцу Гарри''). Как его имя?: Принц Гарри (''тихо''). Эдмунд.: Ричард Йоркский. Эдна! Ту будешь сражаться с нами завтра?: Принц Эдмунд. А, нет, боже мой, я… Я думал, я буду сражаться с нашими врагами.:''Он садится. Никто больше не смеётся.'': Ричард III. Ты же, не поставишь его рядом со мной, не так ли?: Ричард Йоркский. Нет, нет, он будет сражаться вместе с чернью.: Ричард III. Стрелочное мясо.: Ричард Йоркский. Точно.:''Ричард III улыбается и машет Эдмунду.'': Ричард III (''тихо''). Что за придурок!

: Эдмунд. Ты мне нравишься, дружище. Как твоё имя?: Болдрик. Меня зовут Болдрик, милорд.: Эдмунд. Тогда я буду звать тебя Болдрик, Болдрик.: Болдрик. А я буду звать вас милорд, милорд.

: Перси. Завтра будет великий день для нас — вельмож.: Эдмунд. Конечно, не в случае нашего поражения, Перси. Если мы проиграем, меня порежут на куски. Мои руки будут в Эссексе, моё туловище в Норфолке, а мои гениталии — где-нибудь на дереве в Ратленде.

:''Наставления на поле битвы.'': Ричард III. И снова в бездну, дорогие друзья, ещё раз. Отправьте их самые интимные части тела на дерево в Ратленде.: Ричард. Пусть кровь, кровь, кровь будет вашим девизом. Перережьте им глотки!: Гарри. Теперь, я боюсь, будет допущено немного насилия. Но, по крайней мере, мы все знаем, что это для доброго дела, не так ли?

: Ричард III (''в поисках лошади''). Лошадь! (''Свистит.''): Ричард III. Лошадь! Моё королевство за коня! (''Видит лошадь''.): Ричард III. А! Лошадка.

: Эдмунд (''осматривая поле битвы при Босворте''). Но некоторые люди вон там не сражаются, они просто ложаться на землю.: Болдрик. Они мертвы, милорд.: Эдмунд. А!

: Эдмунд. Бегите от холмов! Если вы увидите холмы, бегите в обратную сторону.

:''Принц Гарри спрашивает принца Эдмунда, каких вельмож тот убил на битве.'': Эдмунд. А! Постойте. Вельможи. Гм, я думаю… лорд… лорд Кавердейл…: Гарри. Который сражался на ''нашей'' стороне, я полагаю.: Эдмунд. А да. Я думаю, лорд Кавердейл видел, как я убил… Уорика.: Гарри. Уорик Дикий из Лейстера?!: Эдмунд. Да, точно! И он был довольно дикий! Он плохо кончил, я скажу!: Гарри. Да, несомненно! Ведь я сам его убил.

:''Эдмунд поздравляет себя со «своим» коварным планом.'': Эдмунд. Ведь кто самый сообразительный в королевстве?: Болдрик. Принц Эдмунд, герцог Эдинбургский!: Эдмунд. Кто самый отважный всадник в королевстве?: Болдрик. Принц Эдмунд…:''Эдмунд зло смотрит на Перси.'': Борлдрик и Перси. …Герцог Эдинбургский!: Эдмунд. Кто самый храбрый фехтовальщик в королевстве?: Перси. Ой, не подсказывайте! Этот… ну… из Норфолка…: Эдмунд. ПРИНЦ…: Борлдрик и Перси. …Эдмунд, герцог Эдинбургский!: Эдмунд. Точно! Или… с этого момента я буду известен как… Чёрный… Овощ.: Болдрик. Милорд, а не будет ли что-то вроде «Чёрная Гадюка» звучать лучше?: Эдмунд. Нет! Стойте. Я думаю, у меня есть идея получше. Как насчёт… Чёрная Гадюка!

=Рождённый быть королём=

: Эдмунд (''Referring to The Bearded Lady''). Great. We've only got one act, and she shaved her beard off!

: Эдмунд. Евнухи… отказались.:. . .: Эдмунд. Я преподам им урок, который они никогда не забудут: им отрежут все оставшиеся выпирающие части тела.

: Перси. Потом есть прыгающие евреи из Иерусалима!: Эдмунд. И что они делают?: Перси. Они прыгают, милорд. Много.

:''Король Ричард IV перед отправлением в крестовый поход против турков.'': Ричард IV. Как сказал наш Господь: «Возлюби ближнего своего как самого себя, но если он турок — убей ублюдка!»

:''Обсуждение шотландских акцентов.'': Эдмунд. Шотландцы — варвары! Половина из них даже по-английски не умеют говрить!: Болдрик. На каком же языке они говорят?: Эдмунд. Я не знаю… по мне, так на Греческом.: Перси. О, они говорят на греческом?: Эдмунд. Нет, но на слух как Греческий.: Перси. Ну ежели на слух как Греческий, то доложно быть и есть Греческий.: Эдмунд. Это ''не'' Греческий!: Перси. А на слух как греческий… (''погружается в раздумия, будто отгадывает загадку'') Что такое не Греческий, но звучит как Греческий. О, хорошая загадка, Милорд!: Эдмунд. Это вовсе не загадка, Перси, я хотел сказать, что не разберу ни единого слова, что они говорят!: Перси. Ну конечно же нет, Милорд, вы никогда не изучали Греческий, конечно же!: Эдмунд. Перси…: Перси. Да, милорд?: Эдмунд. Ты никогда не задумывался о том как выглядят твои потроха?: Перси. Иногда, милорд, да.:(''Эдмунд угрожающе заносит кинжал.''): Эдмунд. Тогда я с радостью удовлетворю твоё любопытство, Перси! Тебе всё ясно? Всё ясно?: Перси. Да, милорд. да!

: Эдмунд. Morris dancing is the most fatuous, tenth-rate entertainment ever devised by man. Forty effeminate blacksmiths waving bits of cloth they've just wiped their noses on. How it's still going on in this day and age I'll never know./Мореска (мориско), морисданс/

:''Edmund has unwillingly given up his lands in Scotland to McAngus'': Макэнгус. Hey, I hope life doesn't become dull for you not being able to pass laws over Scotland.:''Edmund laughs nervously and turns away from the violent Scotsman.'': Эдмунд (''under his breath''). I wouldn't pass water over Scotland.

: Эдмунд. You come in here! Fresh from slaughtering a couple of choccos when their backs were turned! And you think you can upset that harmony of a whole kingdom? Я вызываю вас на дуэль!: Макэнгус (''кричит''). До смерти!: Эдмунд (''кротко''). Эммм… да, хорошо.

: Эдмунд. Я заколю его!: Перси. Где?: Эдмунд. В большой зале, в мочевой пузырь.: Перси. Но если вы заколете его в большой зале на глазах у всех, не заподозрят ли они чего-нибудь?

: Эдмунд. Don't be absurd. Such activities are totally beyond my mother. My father only got anywhere with her because he told her it was a cure for diarrhoea.

:''Edmund is attempting to prove that Harry isn't really the King's son: Эдмунд. These letters are dated November and December 1460. Which, Harry, in relation to your date of birth is precisely nine months…: Гарри. …AFTER I was born!:''Edmund looks horrified'': Макэнгус. But about nine months before your birth, Эдмунд!: Эдмунд. Ах… ты ублюдок!: Гарри. Нет, боюсь, это ты ублюдок, Эдмунд!

=Архиепископ=

: Гарри. Yes, that's right. A tragic accident.: Эдмунд. Almost as tragic as Archbishop Bertram being struck by a falling gargoyle whilst swimming off Beachy Head.: Гарри. Yes, or Archbishop Wilfred slipping and falling backwards on to the spire of Norwich Cathedral. О, Господь, неисповедимы пути твои.

:''Regarding the "accidental" death of the Archbishop'': Гарри. Tragic accident, tragic. I just don't know how I'm going to break it to his .

:''Edmund has just secured land for the crown'': Ричард IV. Сын мой!: Эдмунд. Отец!: Ричард IV (''преклоняет колени''). Отец.: Эдмунд (''благословляя его''). Сын мой.

: Болдрик. There seem to be four major profit areas. Curses, pardons, relics, and selling the sexual favours of nuns.: Эдмунд. Selling the sexual favours of nuns… you mean some people actually pay for them?: Болдрик. Yeah, well, foreign businessmen, other nuns…

: Эдмунд. Скажи мне, брат Болдрик, что именно сделал Господь с содомитами?: Болдрик. Не знаю, милорд. Но это не могло быть хуже того, что они делали друг с другом.

: Эдмунд (''читает проклятье''). Дорогой Враг, Я проклинаю тебя и надеюсь, что с тобой произойдет что-нибудь неприятное. Вроде луковицы упавшей на твою голову.

: Эдмунд (''читает более сильное проклятье''). Дорогой Враг, да возненавидит Госоподь тебя и весь род твой. Да станешь ты оранжевым, и да отвалится голова твоя в самый неподходящий момент.

: Эдмунд. You see, the thing about heaven is that heaven is for people who like the sort of things that go on in heaven. Как, ну, пение, беседы с Богом, полив комнатных растений.

: Эдмунд. Что это?: Перси. Косточка из пальца нашего Господа. Она обошлась мне в 31 серебренник.: Эдмунд. Боже мой! Она настоящая?: Перси. Да, милорд. Ты удивлён, Болдрик?: Болдрик. Да. Я думал, что они поставляются только в коробках по десять штук.

: Эдмунд. Позови милорда епископа Рамсгитского!: Болдрик. Кого, милорд?: Эдмунд. Позови Перси, позови Перси!

: Королева. Архиепископ Кентерберийский — очень непослушный мальчик, чью попу мне приходилось шлёпать за то, что он справлял нужду в купели.: Ричард IV. Это было давным давно.: Королева. Это было в прошлый четверг.

=Борода испанской королевы=

: Ричард IV. Wessex: take 10 000 men and pillage Geneva.: Лорд Чизик. But the Swiss are our allies, my lord.: Ричард IV. Oh, yes. Well, get them to dress up as Germans.

: Ричард IV. Chiswick, remind me to send flowers to the king of France in sympathy for the death of his son.: Лорд Чизик. The one you had murdered, mylord?: Ричард IV (''Absentmindedly''). Yes, yes, that's the fellow.

: Ричард IV. Чизик, отвези это королеве Неапольской. (''Передаёт ему кубок с крышкой.): Лорд Чизик. Что это, милорд?: Ричард IV. Король Неапольский.

''Король хочет, чтобы Гарри женился в дипломатических целях.'': Гарри. Но я уже помолвлен.: Ричард IV. Что!? С кем, сын мой?: Гарри. (''разворачивает пергамент''). Ну,:принцесса Лея Венгерская,:великая герцогиня Урсула Бранденбургская:и королева Беовульфа Исландская,:графиня Каролина Люксембургская,:Берта Фландрийская,:Берта Брюссельская,:Бернард Саксен-Кобургский:и Иезавель Эстонская.:(''Проверяет список ещё раз.''):Нет, нет, нет, простите, правильно:: Берта Саксен-Кобургская.:(''С удивлением.''):И Иеремия Эстонский.

: Эдмунд. Перси, in the end, you are about as much use to me as a hole in the head — an affliction with which you must be very familiar, having never had a brain.

: Эдмунд (''только что увидев будущую невесту''). Через 24 часа я женюсь на морже!

: Болдрик (''советуя, как избежать женитьбы ''). Почему не заставить её поверить в то, что вы предпочитаете компанию… мужчин?: Эдмунд. Но это действительно так, Болдрик.: Болдрик. Нет, я имею в виду… ''более близкую'' компанию мужчин…: Эдмунд. Ты не имеешь в виду… как граф Донкастер?!: Болдрик. Я имею в виду именно как граф Донкастер.: Эдмунд. That radish, that great big steaming left-footer? Граф Донкастер, Болдрик, ездит в дамском седле с семнадцати лет.: Болдрик. Ну, кто женится на графе Донкастере?: Эдмунд. Никто не женится на графе Донкастере… Постой. Блестяще. Никто не женится на графе Донкастере. Кроме, возможно, герцога Боуфортского.

: Ричард IV (''увидев Эдмунда в более… пёстром костюме.''). Доброе утро, Донкастер.

:''Когда архиепископ говорит, переводчик дон Спикинглиш переводит то, что он говорит на испанский.'': Архиепископ. Согласен ли ты, Эдмунд Плантагенет, взять Марию… (''Кричит''.) А заткнись ты!: Дон Спикинглиш (''толпе, наблюдающей за церемонией''). Silencio!

=Чудище ведьм=

: Гарри. I'm afraid Father 's feeling a bit under the weather.: Эдмунд. Oh dear, any idea what?: Гарри. Я не уверен. Наверное, это чёрная смерть…

: Эдмунд. Кто-нибудь знает, что случилось?: Крестьянин (''поднимая руку''). Я не знаю.

: Эдмунд (''чудищу ведьм''). I've been hearing about your work in Taunton. Imagine that – every single person having an affair with the same duck.

: Чудище ведьм (''Talking about Ordeal by axe''). The suspect has his head placed upon a block, and an axe aimed at his neck. If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck - so we burn him. If the man is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off.: Эдмунд. What a very fair test that is!

: Перси. Look, look, I just can't take the pressure of all these omens anymore!: Эдмунд. Перси!: Перси. Нет, нет, really, I'm serious! Только сегодняшним утром во дворе я видел лошадь с двумя головами и двумя телами!: Эдмунд. Две лошади, стоящие рядом друг с другом?: Перси. …Да, I suppose it could have been…

:''В суде.'': Чудище ведьм. Совершала ли ты или не совершала грехи плоти с ним?: Женщина. Да, совершала.: Эдмунд. Да ты, наверно, шутишь!: Женщина. К моему глубочайшему стыду.: Эдмунд. И к моему. Да посмотрите на неё!

=Чёрная печать=

: Эдмунд. Перси, ты уволен.: Перси. Я? Почему?: Эдмунд. Потому что, Перси, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. Ты ездишь верхом на лошади чуть хуже, чем это могла бы делать другая лошадь. По сравнению с твои мозгом печинка выглядит огромной и необъятной. And the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a furry cod-piece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it. THAT is why you are dismissed.: Перси. Ааа, понятно.: Эдмунд. Что же до вас, Болдрик…: Болдрик. Милорд?: Эдмунд. Ты тоже убирайся.

: Сэр Уилфред Смерть (''on the final member of the Black Seal''). Why need I even say? Джек! (''All others react in horror''): Гай де Гластонбери. Not mad bully-boy Jack, the grave robbing assasin of Aldwich?: Сэр Уилфред Смерть. Нет.: Трёхпалый Пит. Then crazed animal Jack, the cattle-rusttling cannibal of Sutton Coldfield?: Сэр Уилфред Смерть. Нет.: Шон Ирландский Ублюдок. Then your man's Sane Jack O'Hooligan, the man hating goat murderer of Dingle Bay!: Сэр Уилфред Смерть. Hah! Нет.: Монах Белоуз. Then surely not Bishop Jack Smollin of the diocese of St Votah, the entrail eating heretic of Bath and Wells?: Сэр Уилфред Смерть. Нет. I'm speaking of unspeakably violent Jack, the bull-buggering, beast murderer of no fixed abode.

: Эдмунд. We few, we happy few, we band of ruthless bastards!: Все. Урра!: Эдмунд. Все за одного!: Все. И каждый за себя!

: Ястреб. Наконец-то я вернулся, спустя пятнадцать лет.: Эдмунд. И чем же ты занимался?: Ястреб. Ждал, plotting, nurturing my hatred и строил планы мести.: Эдмунд. Стало быть не скучал?

: Эдмунд. Он убил своих родителей!: Трёхпалый Пит. А кто этого не делал? Я, конечно, убил своих.: Сэр Уилфред Смерть. А я своих.: Монах Белоуз. А я твоих.: Шон Ирландский Ублюдок. Серьёзно?: Монах Белоуз. Да.: Шон Ирландский Ублюдок. Спасибо, отче.

: Ястреб. Боже храни Короля.: Все. Потому что больше никто не хочет!

:''В тюрьме.'': Эдмунд. Dear Lord, who made the birds and the bees… and the snails, presumably, erm, please help me, a little animal too, in my despair. I have bee a sinner, but now I intend to follow the path of the saints: particularly the very religious ones.

: Эдмунд (''слабо''). Гарри… какие у меня шансы?: Гарри. О, очень хорошие.: Королева. Он будет жить?: Гарри. Жить? Я думал, вы говорите о шансах попасть на небеса.: Эдмунд (''слабо''). Чёрт.

=Чёрная Гадюка II=

=Колокольчики=

: Блэкэддер. А, и кто такая Джейн?: Перси. Я поклялся держать всё в тайне. Пытайте меня, убейте меня — вы никогда ничего не узнаете.:'' Блэкэддер бьёт его в пах.: Перси. Ой, ай… Джейн Харрингтон. Мы очень влюблены, милорд.: Блэкэддер. Это та самая Джейн Харрингтон?: Перси. Да.: Блэкэддер. Джейн Похорони-меня-в-гробу-в-форме-буквы-уай Харрингтон? /Bury Me in a Y-Shaped Coffin/: Перси. Я думаю, возможно, есть две Джейн Харрингтон…: Блэкэддер. Нет-нет… Высокая блондинка, элегантная?: Перси. Да, это она…: Блэкэддер. Goes like a privy door when the plague's in town?

: Кейт. Говорят, ваш слуга — самый худший в Лондоне.: Блэкэддер. Хмммм. Это правда. Болдрик, ты уволен. Чтоб через десять минут духу твоего тут небыло.

: Блэкэддер. Прости, Болдрик. А почему ты все еще здесь?: Болдрик. Мне некуда идти, милорд.: Блэкэддер. О, я уверен, тебе позволят умереть с голоду в одном из Королевских парков?: Болдрик. Я служу вам с тех пор, как мне исполнилось два с половиной, милорд.: Блэкэддер. Вот, именно поэтому ты мне досмерти надоел.

: Д-р Лич. It isn't every day a man wakes up to discover he's a screaming bender with no more right to live on God's clean Earth than a weasel. Ashamed of yourself?: Блэкэддер. Not really, no.: Д-р Лич. Bloody Hell. I would be. Still, why should I complain? Just leaves more rampant totty for us real men, eh?: Блэкэддер. Look, am I paying for this abuse or is it extra?: Д-р Лич. No, no, it's all part of the service.

: Блэкэддер. You're just an old quack, aren't you?: Д-р Лич. I'd rather be a quack than a duckie! Good day!

: Блэкэддер. Tell me, young crone, is this Putney?:(''In a cackling cockney accent''): Молодая карга. Да будет так! Да будет так!: Блэкэддер (''исправляя''). Да так оно и есть, а не «да будет так». You don't have to talk in that ''stupid'' voice to me; Я не турист. Я ищу информацию о Мудрой Женщине.: Молодая карга. Мудрая Женщина! Мудрая Женщина!: Блэкэддер. Да, Мудрая Женщина.: Молодая карга. Две вещи, милорд, должны вы знать о Мудрой Женщине.: Блэкэддер. Да?: Молодая карга. Первое, она… ''женщина''!:(''Blackadder rolls his head in exasperation.''): Молодая карга. И второе, ''она''…: Блэкэддер. Мудрая?:(''In a normal voice): Молодая карга (нормальным голосом). Стало быть вы её ''знаете''!: Блэкэддер. No, just a wild stab in the dark, which is incidentally what you'll be getting if you don't start being a bit more helpful. Ты знаешь, где она живёт?: Молодая карга. Конечно!: Блэкэддер. Где?: Молодая карга. Здесь. Do you have an appointment?: Блэкэддер. Нет.: Молодая карга. Ну… you can go in, anyway.: Блэкэддер. Спасибо тебе, молодая карга! Вот кошелёк с деньгами (''достаёт кошелёк''), который я тебе не дам. (''Уходит.'')

:''As a montage of scenes display Blackadder and Bob's growing togetherness, a record-commercial of song titles scrolls across the screen to the tune of "Greensleeves".'': Титры. :: ''Greensleeves'':: ''The Rain It Raineth Every Day'':: ''Hey Nonny I Love You'':: ''My Love is a Prick (On a Tudor Rose)'':: ''Hot Sex Madrigal in the Middle of my Tights'':: ''And Many Many More!!!'''/«Гринсливз», «Зелёные рукава» (популярная старинная песня; известна с XVI века; дважды упоминается У. Шекспиром/

:''Queen Elizabeth waits impatiently for the Blackadder and Bob's wedding to begin.'': Елизавета I. Ah Эдмунд, can we get on, do you think? I want to get to the reception, so I can get squiffy and seduce someone.

:''Lord Flasheart nods to Baldrick, who's dressed as a bridesmaid.'': Лорд Флэшхарт. Thanks, Bridesmaid! Like the beard! Gives me something to ''hang'' on to!

:''Flash approaches Melchett'': Лорд Флэшхарт. А, Мелчетт. Still worshipping God? Last I heard… He'd started worshipping me. ''Ahahaha!''

:''Flash approaches Nursie.'': Лорд Флэшхарт. Гав! Нерси! I like it firm and ''fruity''! Am I pleased to see you, or did I just put a canoe in my pocket?!

:''Flash outrageously makes out with Edmund's intended bride, Kate.'': Лорд Флэшхарт. She's got a tongue like an electric eel, and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils!

=Голова=

: Мелчетт. Серые, я подозреваю, ваше величество.: Елизавета I. I think you'll find they were orange, лорд Мелчетт.: Мелчетт. Grey is more usual, мэм.: Елизавета I. Кто королева?: Мелчетт. Как скажете, величество. There were these magnificent ''оранжевые'' слоны…

: Блэкэддер. Right Болдрик, let's try again shall we? This is called 'adding'. If I have two beans, and then I add two ''more'' beans, what do I have?: Болдрик. Несколько бобов.: Блэкэддер. Да… и нет. Let's try again shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make?: Болдрик. A very small casserole.: Блэкэддер. Болдрик, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again. Раз, два, три, четыре. So how many are there?: Болдрик. Три.: Блэкэддер. Что?: Болдрик. …и ещё один.: Блэкэддер. Три и ещё один. So if I add that one to the three what will I have?: Болдрик. О! Несколько бобов.: Блэкэддер. Да. Для тебя, Болдрик, Эпоха Возрождения была чем-то, что произошло с другими людьми, не так ли?

:''after seeing Percy's giant ruff'': Блэкэддер. You look like a bird that's swallowed a plate.: Перси. Actually, I think it makes me look rather sexy.: Блэкэддер. To another plate swallowing bird perhaps, if it was blind and hadn't had it in months.: Перси. You'll see you're wrong.: Блэкэддер. You're just pathetic, Песри. Болдрик, what do you think of Percy's new ruff?: Болдрик. Четыре.: Блэкэддер. Что?: Болдрик. Some beans and some beans is four.: Блэкэддер. No, we have moved from advanced mathematics to elementary dressmaking. What do you think of Percy's new ruff?: Болдрик. I think he looks like a bird that's swallowed a plate.: Блэкэддер. No, that's what I think. What do you think? Try to have a thought of your one, Болдрик, thinking is so important. What do you think?: Болдрик. I think… thinking is so important.

: Мелчетт. Unhappily, Blackadder, the Lord High Executioner is dead.: Блэкэддер (''саркастично''). Oh woe! Murdered, of course.: Мелчетт. Нет, как ни странно, нет. Обычно так и бывает, но this one just got careless one night и вписал своё имя не в той графе. Они пришли за ним, когда он спал.: Блэкэддер. He should have told them they had the wrong man.: Мелчетт. Oh, he did, but you see they didn't. They had the right man and they had the form to prove it.: Blackadder. Ah, bloody red tape eh?

:''The Queen needs a new Lord High Executioner.'': Блэкэддер. Well, I pity the poor ''sod'' who gets the job. No one ever survives it more than a week.: Мелчетт. I have taken the liberty, Ma'am, of drawing up a list of suitable candidates.: Елизавета I. Oh, good-o! Let's hear it!:(''Lord Melchett clears his throat ostentatiously.''): Мелчетт. "List for the Post of Lord High Executioner.":(''Раскрывает длинный свиток.''): Мелчетт. Лорд Блэкэддер…:(''Выдерживает паузу, сворачивает свиток.)

:''У Перси новый, очень маленький воротник.: Блэкэддер. О да, Перси, твой новый воротник…: Перси. Лучше.: Блэкэддер. Хуже.: Перси. Мода в наши дни стремится к минимализму.: Блэкэддер. Что ж, в таком случае у тебя самые модные мозги в Лондоне.

:''Lord High Executioner Blackadder introduces himself to his new staff.'': Блэкэддер. Моё имя Эдмунд Блэкэддер, and I'm the new Minister in Charge of Religious Genocide. Now, if you play straight with me, you’ll find me a considerate employer. But cross me and you’ll soon discover that under this playful boyish exterior, beats the heart of a ruthless, sadistic maniac.

:''Lord High Executioner Blackadder gets to know the gaoler.'': Блэкэддер. Плоппи-тюремщик?: Мистер Плоппи. Так точно, сир! Плоппи, сын Плоппи.: Блэкэддер. Плопи, сын Плоппи-тюремщика.: Мистер Плоппи. Ar, ar! Нет, сэр! I am the first Ploppy to rise to be gaoler. My father, Daddy Ploppy, was known as "Ploppy, the Slopper"! It was from him that I inherited my fascinating skin diseases.: Блэкэддер. Yes, you are to be… you are to be congratulated, my friend. We live in an age where illness and deformity are commonplace, and yet, Плоппи, you are, without a doubt, the most repulsive individual I've ever met. I would shake your hand, but I fear it would come off.: Мистер Плоппи. There's no many bosses would be that considerate, sir.

:''Lord High Executioner Blackadder gets to know the last meal cook'': Блэкэддер. And what is your function on death row?: Миссис Плоппи. I'm the last meal cook, sir. People may ask me for whatever they wish for their last meal.: Блэкэддер. And you cook it for them?: Миссис Плоппи. Yes, sir… provided they ask for sausages… otherwise they tend to get a wee bit disappointed. Sosses is all I got.: Блэкэддер. You are clearly a woman of principle and compassion, Mistress?..: Миссис Плоппи. Плоппи, сэр!: Блэкэддер. Aah! So, you are married to…?: Миссис Плоппи. Нет! Many people think that, but it's pure coincidence! We did laugh when first we found out. «Доброе устро, Mistress Ploppy», he'd say. And I'd say…: Мистер и миссис Плоппи (''вместе''). Доброе утро ''мистер'' Плоппи! (''Оба смеются.''): Блэкэддер. И долгие зимние вечера проходили незаметно.

:''Lord High Executioner Blackadder finally meets the executioner'': Блэкэддер. А! А ты, должно быть тот мальчик, что завариает чай!: Мистер Плоппи. Эммм, эммм! Нет, сэр, нет! Он палач! (''улыбаясь'') Но иногда он заваривает чай!: Блэкэддер. Да! А звать тебя как?: Executioner. Болдрик, милорд! Но если вам будет проще, можете звать меня Плоппи.:'''Blackadder. Нет, спасибо, Болдрик, Я могу запомнить больше чем одно имя.

: Блэкэддер. Right, Болдрик, is that absolutely clear?: Болдрик. Да. I've killed someone I shouldn't have killed, and now you want me to put a lady on my head and talk to his old bag.: Блэкэддер. Нет, I want you to put a bag on your head and talk to his old lady! (''puts bag over Baldrick's head.''): Болдрик. Why do I want a bag on my head?: Blackadder:. In order nincompoop , that she should believe you're her husband.: Болдрик. Почему? Разве он носил мешок на голове?

: Елизавета I. Would you care to stroll with me a while, just if you've got time, if you're not too busy?: Блэкэддер. Sorry ma'am, needs call…: Елизавета I. I said would you care to stroll with me a while, just if you've got time, if you're not too BUSY! : Блэкэддер. Конечно, мэм. /Certainly ma'am./ It would make the decade worthwhile.

=Картофель=

: Перси. Now, Эмунд. If you're not careful, all the children will dance around your window singing Sourpuss and Grumpyface and you don't want that, now do you?

: Блэкэддер. Now, Перси, would you get out (''forcibly takes hold of Percy'') before I cut your head off, scoop out the inside, and give it to your mother as a vase.

: Блэкэддер. Взгляни на это. Что это?: Болдрик. Я удивлён, что вы забыли, милорд.: Блэкэддер. Я не забыл — это риторический вопрос.: Болдрик. Нет, это картофель.

: Блэкэддер (''о картофеле''). People are smoking them, building houses out of them, … they'll be eating them next!: Болдрик. Stranger things have happened, милорд, like that horse becoming Pope…

: Блэкэддер (''as the palace awaits Walter Raleigh's return from the sea''). So, where is this barnacle-bottomed, haddock-flavoured, bilge-rat Sir Rather-A-Wally Raleigh then? I hear he's about as exciting as one of his potatoes.

: Елизавета I. Это он. О Боже!. Do I look absolutely divine and regal, and yet and at the same time very pretty and rather accessible?

:''Blackadder, to shut Raleigh up, has told the Queen he would sail around the Cape of Good Hope'': Сэр Уолтер Рали (''scathing''). You'd never dare! Why, round the Cape, the rain beats down so hard, it makes your head bleed!: Блэкэддер. Oh well, some sort of hat is probably in order?

: Сэр Уолтер Рали. And great dragons leap from the water and swallow ships whole!: Блэкэддер (''Nonchalant''). I must remember to pack the larger of my two shrimping nets…

: Блэкэддер. So, Rum, I wish to hire you, and your ship. Can we shake on it?: Капитан Рам. А-а-а! У вас женская рука, милорд! I wager these dainty pinkies never weighed anchor in a storm.: Блэкэддер. Well, you're right there! Ха-ха-ха.: Капитан Рам (''pinches Blackadder’s cheek''). А-а-а! У вас /тебя/ женская кожа, милорд! I wager it never felt the lash of a cat, been rubbed with salt, and then flayed off by a pirate chief, to make fine stockings for his best cabin boy.: Блэкэддер. It is uncanny. I don?t know how you do it, but you're right again!: Капитан Рам. Why should I let a stupid cockerel like you aboard me boat?: Блэкэддер. Perhaps for the money in my purse!: Капитан Рам (''gasping''). А-а-а! У вас женский кошелёк, милорд! I wager that purse has never been used as a rowing boat. I'll wager it's never had sixteen shipwrecked mariners ''tossing'' in it!: Блэкэддер. Yes! Now, right again! I must say, when it comes to tales of courage, I can say I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut!: Капитан Рам. А-а-а! У вас женский рот, милорд! I'll wager that mouth never had to chew through the side of a ship, to escape the dreadful spindly killer fish.: Блэкэддер. Yes, I must say, when I came to see you, I had no idea I was going to have to eat your ship, as well as hire it. And since you're clearly as mad as a mongoose, I'll bid you farewell!: Капитан Рам. All you courtiers to the queen; you're nothing but lap-dogs to a slip of a girl!: Блэкэддер. Better a lap-dog to a slip of a girl than a… git.:(''…''): Блэкэддер. I sh… I will fetch my, my first mate, and return as fast as my ''legs'' will carry me!: Капитан Рам. А-а-а! У вас женские ноги, милорд! I wager those are legs that have never been sliced clean off by a falling sail, and ''swept'' into the sea, before your very eyes.: Блэкэддер. Well, neither have yours!: Капитан Рам. ''That's'' where you're wrong. (''shows missing legs.'')

: Перси. I'm not coming. I'm just not coming! (''realises he sounds scared''.) I mean, obviously I'm very keen to go on the trip, but unfortunately, erm, I've got an appointment! To have my nostrils plucked! Next year.: Болдрик. (''packing boxes for the trip'') Oh I'm sorry my lord. I thought it was because you were a complete coward.: Перси. Don't be ridiculous, Болдрик! You know me … I laugh in the face of danger, and tweak the nose (''thinks hard'') of the dreadful spindly killer fish! I'm not one of your milksops who's scared out of his mind by the mere sight of water.:''Baldrick sips from a glass of water, then offers a drink to Percy'': Перси. Aaaaaargh! (''jumps on to ledge'') Yes, all right I admit it, I admit it. I'm terrified! (''gets down'') You see, Болдрик, when I was a baby, I was savaged by a turbot. О Болдрик, you can't think of a plan to get me out of this can you?: Болдрик. Er, you could hide, милорд.: Перси (''not impressed''). Hide? (''realises it could work'') Brilliant! Где?: Болдрик. Э-э…:''both scurry around looking for a hiding place even though a large box is open in front of them, which Baldrick eventually notices'': Болдрик. In the box!: Перси. Which one?: Болдрик. That one!: Перси. Ah, perfect! (''climbs in'') Let's practise. Edmund comes in and says "Hello Baldrick, you haven't seen Percy have you?" And you say…: Болдрик. Er, "no my lord, I haven't seen him all day.": Перси. Brilliant! (''door slams in distance'') Oh my God, here he comes!:''Percy lays flat in the box, which Baldrick closes just before Blackadder walks in'': Блэкэддер. Oh hello Balders (''looks around'') wh… where the hell's that cretin Percy? You haven't seen him have you?: Болдрик (''Baldrick prepares to reply, then draws a blank. He thinks hard, signals silently that he has an answer, forgets again, then gives up''). Yes my lord — he's hiding in the box!

: Мелчетт (''giving a scroll to Blackadder''). Прощай, Блэкэддер! The foremost cartographers of the land have prepared ''this'' for you! (''Blackadder unrolls the scroll'') It's a… map of the area you'll be traversing. (''Blackadder inspects the apparently blank scroll'') They'd be very grateful if you could just fill it in as you go along. Goodbye!

:''Blackadder introduces Captain Rum to the Queen'': Елизавета I. О, капитан, I wish you luck, from the bottom of my heart!: Капитан Рам. А-а-а! You have a woman's bottom, миледи! I'll wager that sweet round pair of peaches, has never been forced 'twixt two splintered planks, to plug a leak, and save a ship!: Елизавета I. Certainly hasn't, and I'm ''quite pleased about it''!

: Перси. Oh, yes, I touched her once.: Блэкэддер. You touched her what?: Перси. Her, once, in the corridor.: Блэкэддер. I've never heard it called that before.

:''Blackadder hopes the crew will know the way to France'': Капитан Рам. Команда, милорд?: Блэкэддер. Да, команда!: Капитан Рам. Какая команда?: Блэкэддер. Я полагал, что существует морской обычай держать на корабле команду.: Капитан Рам. Взгляды на этот счет ''разделились''.: Блэкэддер. Правда?: Капитан Рам. Ага, все капитаны говорят, что так оно и есть, но ''я'' говорю - нет!: Блэкэддер. Oh, God, mad as a brush!

: Блэкэддер. By the day after tomorrow, we shall be in Кале! Captain, set sail for France!: Капитан Рам. Есть-есть, сэр!:''the day after the day after tomorrow'': Блэкэддер. So you don't know the way to France either?: Капитан Рам. No, I must confess that too.:''Blackadder nods. Takes in this important information'': Блэкэддер. Bugger.

: Капитан Рам. Now, me young Master, through fair winds and fine seamanship, our vessel is once more edged up on the shores of old Blighty!: Блэкэддер, Перси и Болдрик. (''in unison'') Урра!: Капитан Рам. By a lucky chance, we have landed at Southampton dock.: Блэкэддер, Перси и Болдрик. (''again'') Hurray!: Капитан Рам. Fare thee well! Last one up the "Ol' Seadog" gets a lick of the cat!: Болдрик (''Inspecting the panorama''). Don'look much like Southampton to me, my lord!: Блэкэддер. Что?: Болдрик. W'all those streams of molten lava, and that steamy mangrove swamp? And that crowd of beckoning natives rubbing their tummies, and pointing to a large pot!: Блэкэддер. Oh my God…!

: Перси. (''Relating the death of Captain Rum to Melchett, Nursie and the Queen'') He died a hero's death, giving his life so that his friends might live.: Блэкэддер. …and that his enemies may have something to go with their potatoes.: Нерси. (''through sobs'') You mean they put him in the pot?: Блэкэддер. Yes. Your fiance was only a third-rate sailor, but a first-rate second course.

=Деньги=

:''Baldrick comes upon Blackadder in bed with a prostitute.'': Блэкэддер. Болдрик, это Молли — мой дорогой друг.: Молли. Я не дорогая! I'm very reasonable, actually, Болдрик. Most girls would charge an extra sixpence for all the horrid things he wants to do.

:''After Baldrick takes his leave of Blackadder and the sweet-talking Molly…'': Блэкэддер. Well, you're a one, aren't you? When you should whispering sweet conversational nothings like, 'Goodness, something twice the size of the Royal Barge has just hoved into view between the sheets!', you don't say a word! But enter the Creature from the Black Latrine, and you won't stop jabbering!: Молли. He treats me like a human being!: Блэкэддер. Look, if I wanted a lecture on the Rights of Man, I would have gone to bed with Martin Luther.

: Перси. Couldn't you just dip into the family fortune?: Блэкэддер. There isn't one. My father blew it all on wine, women and amateur dramatics. At the end he was eking out a living doing humourous impressions of Anne of Cleves.

:''Blackadder needs ?1,000, or he will be murdered'': Перси. Do not despair. I have some small savings, carefully harvested from my weekly allowance, set aside against my frail old age. By lucky hap, it is just over a thousand, methinks, and for years has been hidden beyond the wit of any thief, in an old sock…: Блэкэддер (''Joining Percy as he says it''). …under the squeaky floorboard…: Болдрик (''Joining Percy and Blackadder''). …behind the kitchen dresser.: Перси (''Trying to act pleasantly surprised''). You've seen it?: Блэкэддер. Seen it, pinched it, spent it. And the same goes for the two farthings Baldrick thinks he's got hidden inside that mouldy old potato.: Болдрик. Oh, bloody hell!

: Перси. I intend to discover, this very afternoon, the secret of alchemy. The hidden art of turning base things into… gold.: Блэкэддер. I see. And the fact that this secret has eluded the most intelligent people since the dawn of time doesn't dampen your spirits?: Перси. О нет! I like a challenge!

: Блэкэддер. This place smells worse than a pair of armored trousers after the Hundred Year War. Baldrick! Have you been eating dung again?: Перси. My Lord! I have waited on your return! (''hugs Blackadder''.): Блэкэддер. And thank God you did, Percy, for I was just thinking to myself, "My God, I die in 12 hours, what I really need now is a hug from a complete prat.": Перси. After literally an hour's ceaseless searching, I have succeeded in creating gold, pure gold.: Блэкэддер. Ты уверен?: Перси. Да, милорд. Behold.: Блэкэддер. Перси… it's green.: Перси. That's right, милорд.: Блэкэддер. Да, Перси, I don't want to be pedantic or anything, but the colour of gold is gold. That's why it's ''called'' gold. What you have discovered, if it has a name, is "green".: Перси. О Эдмунд, can it be true, that I hold here in my mortal hand a nugget of purest green?: Блэкэддер. Indeed you do, Перси, except, of course, it's not really a nugget, it's more of a splat.: Перси. Well, yes, a splat today… but tomorrow — who knows, or dares to dream?: Блэкэддер. So we three alone in all the world can produce the finest green at will?: Перси. Just so. Not sure about counting in Baldrick, actually.

: Блэкэддер. Болдрик!: Болдрик. Милорд?: Блэкэддер. Pack my bags; I'm going to sell the house.: Baldrick and Percy (''Shocked''). Что?: Блэкэддер. There's nothing else for it. I mean I shall miss the old place, I know. I've had some happy times here, when you and Percy have been out. But needs must when the devil vomits into your kettle. Baldrick, go forth into the streets and let it be known that Lord Blackadder wishes to sell his house. Percy… just go forth into the street.

:''Edmund shows his place to a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Pants'': Миссис Пэнтс. I noticed some dry rot in the bedrooms, Тимоти.: Эдмунд. Well, миссис Пэнтс, dry rot is what dry rot does. (''Мситеру Пэнтс.'') Stop me if I'm getting too technical.:''Mr. Pants starts to speak, but is interrupted.'': Миссис Пэнтс. And the floor (??) is a little uneven.: Эдмунд. Indeed yes, Madam, and at no extra cost!: Миссис Пэнтс. Strange smell.: Эдмунд. Yes, that's the servant; he'll be gone.: Мистер Пэнтс. You've really worked out your banter, haven't you?: Эдмунд. No, not really. This is a different thing. It's spontaneous and it's called `wit'.: Миссис Пэнтс. What about the privies?: Эдмунд. When the master craftsman who created this home was looking at the sewage, he said to himself, "Romeo," - for 'twas his name - "Romeo, let's make them functional, and comfortable.": Мистер Пэнтс. Oh, well, that seems nice, doesn't it, Dear!: Эдмунд. I think we understand each other, sir. So it's sold, then. (''goes to a pot and pours into a cup'') Drink?: Миссис Пэнтс (''insistent for a real answer''). What about the privies?: Эдмунд. (''doesn't give away either of the two cups he holds'') Well, what we're talking about in, erm, privy terms is the very latest in front-wall, fresh-air orifices, combined with a wide-capacity gutter installation below.: Миссис Пэнтс. You mean you crap out of the window.: Эдмунд. Yes!: Миссис Пэнтс. Well! In that case, we'll definitely take it! (''takes a cup from Edmund'') I can't stand those dirty indoor things.

: Болдрик. У вас есть план, милорд?: Блэкэддер. Yes I have, and it's so cunning you can brush your teeth with it.

: Епископ Бата и Уэльса (''threatening Blackadder with a red-hot poker''). I shall make your bottom wish it had never been ''born''!

: Епископ Бата и Уэльса. You see I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. Animal, vegetable, or mineral, I'll do anything to anything.: Блэкэддер. Ah, fine words for a bishop. Nice to hear the Church speaking out on social issues.

: Епископ Бата и Уэльса. Drugged, by God!: Блэкэддер. No, by Baldrick actually — but the effect is much the same.

: Епископ Бата и Уэльса. You fiend! Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity… Have you ever considered a career in the church?: Блэкэддер. Yes, but I couldn't get used to the underwear.

=Пиво=

: Блэкэддер. It is said, Перси, that the civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company so that by learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God.: Перси (''delighted''). Да, я слышал это.: Блэкэддер. Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.

:''Baldrick has walked into the living room, carrying the front door'': Блэкэддер. Болдрик, I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give phenomenally good.: Болдрик. You said "get the door".: Блэкэддер. Not good enough. Ты уволен.: Болдрик. Но, милорд, я в вашей семье с 1582 года.: Блэкэддер. Как и сифилис, а теперь убирайся.

: Перси (смеясь). The turnip looked just like a THINGY!: Блэкэддер. I trust you have removed this hilarious item?

:''Queen Elizabeth has a lot of good ideas'': Нерси. That was another good idea! (''Squeeky laugh'') You are so clever today, you better be careful your foot doesn't fall off.: Елизавета I. Does that happen, when you have lots of brilliant ideas? Your foot falls off?: Нерси. Certainly does! My brother, he had this brilliant idea of cutting his toenails with a scythe, and ''his'' foot fell off.

:''Blackadder opens the door for his visiting relatives.'': Блэкэддер. Дядя, тётя! Greetings. How nice it is to see you! (Обнимает и целует тетю Уайтэддер.) Муа, муа.: Тётя Уайтэддер (''Slaps Blackadder twice''). Злое/мерзкое/нечистое/грешное дитя! /Wicked child/, не лги! Everyone hates us, and you know it!: Блэкэддер. Э, да! Тогда позвольте мне представить моего друга, лорда Перси.: Перси. Так, так, так, Эдди, ты не говорил мне, что у тебя такая привлекательная тётя! Good morrow to thee, gorgeousness. Я знаю, что мне нравится, и мне нравится то, что я вижу!: Тётя Уайтэддер (''даёт Перси пощёчину''). Изыди, сатана!

:''Blackadder offers a chair to his guests'': Тётя Уайтэддер. Стул? У тебя в доме есть стулья?: Блэкэддер. О да!: Тётя Уайтэддер (''даёт Блэккэдеру две пощечины''). Wicked child, стулья — изобретение сатаны. В нашем доме Натаниэль сидит на пике! /spike/: Блэкэддер. А вы?: Тётя Уайтэддер. Я сижу на Натаниэле. Две пики было бы слишком расточительно! /extravagance/

: Тётя Уайтэддер. I trust you remember we eat no meat?: Блэкэддер. Heaven forbid, no! Here we feast solely on God's lovely turnip! Mashed!: Тётя Уайтэддер. Mashed?: Блэкэддер. Да!: Тётя Уайтэддер (''даёт Блэккэдеру две пощечины''). Wicked child! Mashing is also the work of Beelzebub! For Satan saw God's blessed turnip, and he ''envied'' it! And ''mashed'' it, to spoil it's sacred shape. I shall have my turnip as God intended!: Блэкэддер. Fine! Болдрик!: Болдрик (''Enters''). Милорд?: Блэкэддер. Will you fetch my dear aunt a ''raw'' turnip, please?: Болдрик. Well we only got the one that's…: Блэкэддер (''перебивает''). Just do it, thank you!:(''Blackadder turns to Lord Whiteadder''): Блэкэддер. Сэр, дядя, will you… will you have your turnip mashed, or as God intended?: Тётя Уайтэддер. Он не ответит тебе! Он принял обет молчания. Я считаю, что молчание — золото.:''Blackadder opens mouth to speak, yet closes up without saying anything''

: Тётя Уайтэддер. For where there are other guests, there are people to fornicate with.: Блэкэддер. I'll just tell them to… fornicate off.

: Перси. Э-э, да! Э, что ж, лорд Уайтэддер, э, обет молчания, это очень любопытная вещь… Расскажите мне об этом.

:''Melchett realises that Blackadder is not really drinking alcohol'': Мелчетт (''пьяно''). You twist and turn like a… twisty, turny thing! I say you are a weedy pigeon, и ты можешь звать меня Сьюзен, если это не так!

:''Percy panics as Blackadder enters, wearing a pair of comedy breasts'': Блэкэддер. Простите, он болен. Проказа! Мозга!: Тётя Уайтэддер. Or what he is trying to tell you, is that you appear to be wearing a pair of ''devil's dumplings''!: Блэкэддер (''Looks down in a double-take''). Oh, my God, My earmuffs have fallen down! (''Puts fake tits on head'') Erm, It's getting… Would you like a pair? It's getting rather cold!: Тётя Уайтэддер. Нет, спасибо. Cold is God's way of telling us to burn more Catholics.: Блэкэддер. Right! Which reminds me, тётушка…: Тётя Уайтэддер. Не называй меня (''даёт Блэккэдеру две пощечины'') ''тётушкой''! Aunt is a relative, and relatives are evidence of ''sex''! And sex is hardly a fitting subject for the dinner table.: Блэкэддер. Or indeed, any table!: Перси. Except perhaps a table in a brothel. (''Blackadder kicks Percy under the table'') Ой!: Блэкэддер. Oh dear, Перси, it seems you have fallen off your chair!

: Тётя Уайтэддер. Давай обсудим твоё наследство.: Блэкэддер. Ah yes, good! A little drink first?: Тётя Уайтэддер. Drink? (''Даёт Блэккэдеру две пощечины.'') Wicked child, выпивка — это моча последнего прокажённого ада.

: Тётя Уайтэддер. И ты!: Перси. Да?: Тётя Уайтэддер. Тебе кто-нибудь когда-нибудь говорил, что ты ''хихикающий imbecile''?: Перси. О да!: Тётя Уайтэддер. Хорошо.

:''Queen Elizabeth emerges from the closet'': Саймон Партридж. Эй, еще одна стриптизёрша.:''as Lord Whiteadder appears too'': Джеффри Пидл. И стриптизёр!: Монах. Oh yes, this is much more like it!:(''removes the Queen's cloak, revealing her identity''): Саймон Партридж. И она одета королевой!: Джеффри Пидл. Sexy!: Елизавета I (''indignant''). Вы знаете, кто я?:''Входит Блэкэддер.'': Блэкэддер. Да. Я знаю, кто ты.: Джеффри Пидл. Кто?: Блэкэддер. Ты Мерлин Счастливый Поросёнок. /You're Merlin, the Happy Pig/: Елизавета I. Wrong, I'm afraid. Я королева Англии.:''Все преклоняют колени.'': Елизавета I. Может быть, у меня тело слабой и беспомощной женщины, но у меня сердце и желудок… бетонного слона! /I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach… of a concrete elephant!/: Саймон Партридж. Докажи!: Елизавета I (''игриво''). Certainly will! (''picks up a large mug of beer.''): Елизавета I. First I'm going to have a little drinkie, and then I'm going to execute the whole bally lot of you.

: Блэкэддер. Right, now maybe I can get this song finished, with any luck.: Леди Уайтэддер «Luck!» Wahey! Get it?: Все. Э… нет.: Леди Уайтэддер Oh, come on! Luck! Sounds almost exactly like f-:''Конец серии.''

=Кандалы=

:''Lord Melchett appeals to the Queen for help with his friend's kidnapped son. The Queen asks Blackadder for advice.'': Блэкэддер. Only last year, my aunt came to me to beg for help in the ransom of my uncle Osrick.: Мелчетт. Well, then you know something of the dreadful pain involved.: Блэкэддер. Indeed, I do. And can suggest no better answer than the one I gave to her.: Елизавета I. Which was?: Блэкэддер. "Get stuffed.": Мелчетт (''angry''). Blackadder, are you to jest over a young man's life?: Блэкэддер. For young man, read young idiot — look, anyone stupid enough to let some moustachioed dago come up to them in a corridor, say "excuse me meester" and hit them over the head with big stick, deserves everything they get. (''the Queen smiles as he leaves, closes the door behind him and turns around''): Испанец. Excuse me, Meester?: Блэкэддер. Yes, what is it?:''The man pretends to whisper something in Blackadder's ear while another man comes and hits him over the head with a big stick'': Блэкэддер. I said "What is it", not "Hit me hard on the head with a …" (''collapses'')

:''It is no time for jokes: Melchett and Blackadder have been kidnapped'': Мелчетт. As private parts to the gods are we: they play with us for their sport!

:''Blackadder is questioned by a Spanish inquisitioner while imprisoned in a spiky wind-up commode'': Блэкэддер. Oh, for Gods sake… Look! How — can — you — question — me if — you — don't — speak — English?: Inquisitioner. ?No! ?''Yo'' pregunto las cuestiones!

:''Принц Людвиг, having kidnapped and imprisoned Blackadder, claims they know each other.'': Блэкэддер. I don't believe I've had the pleasure.: Людвиг. Oh, on ze contrary! We have met many times, alzhough you knew me by anozher name. Do you recall a mysterious black marketeer and smuggler called Otto, with whom you used to dine and plot and play ze biscuit game, at ze Old Pizzle in Dover?: Блэкэддер. Бог мой!: Людвиг. Да! ''Я'' был… официанткой.: Блэкэддер. I don't believe it! Ты?! Big Sally?!: Людвиг (''in a squeaky voice''). Will you have another piece of pie, милорд?: Блэкэддер. But I went to bed with you, didn't I?: Людвиг. Ради своей страны я готов на любые жертвы.: Блэкэддер. Да. Но я не готов! I must have been paralytic!: Людвиг. Indeed you were… Мистер Висюн! /Mister Floppy!/

:''Prince Ludwig has the also-kidnapped Lord Melchett brought in.'': Людвиг. Do you remember when you were in Cornwall, at the monastery, there was an old shepherd wizh whom you used to talk?: Мелчетт. Боже мой! Тимкинс?: Людвиг. Да! ''Я'' был одной из его овец.: Мелчетт. Его овец! Не…: Людвиг. Да!: Мелчетт. Флосси?: Людвиг. Да!: Мелчетт. Но разве мы не…: Людвиг. Да, лорд Мелчетт! (''Блеет.'') Бе-е-е!

:''A bored Melchett looks to pass the dungeon time.'': Мелчетт. Well, perhaps, um, a pleasant word game.: Блэкэддер. Yes, all right. Make a sentence out of the following words: 'face', 'sodding', 'your', 'shut'.

: Мелчетт. Увы! Shall I never see England more? Her rolling fields, her swooping swallows…: Блэкэддер. И её игривых/шаловливых овечек…

: Блэкэддер. One thing, Ludwig, just before you go…: Людвиг. Yes: Блэкэддер. Were you ever ''bullied'' at school?: Людвиг. Что ты имеешь в виду?: Блэкэддер. Well, all this ranting and raving about ''power'' there must be some reason for it.: Людвиг. Nonsense, no, no, at my school having dirty hair and spots was a sign of maturity!: Blackadder. Я так и думал! And I bet your mother made you wear shorts right up until your final year.: Людвиг. ''Заткнись! Заткнись!!! Когда я стану королём Англии, никто no-one will ever dare call me Shorty Greasy Spot-Spot again!

:''Blackadder unmasks the wounded Prince Ludwig the Indestructible'': Людвиг. А! Королефа Елизафета. Мы снова встретились.: Елизавета I. Э… Don't think so, actually.: Людвиг. Да! You remember vhen you vhere young, and… your fazher took you riding on a magnifizent grey pony, zhat you used to kiss and fondle in zhe schtableyard.: Елизавета I (''making dismissive gestures''). Да.: Людвиг. Я!.. ''Я'' был высоким и привлекательным немецким конюхом german schtablelad who held him.: Елизавета I (''perplexed''). Нет!: Людвиг. Да!: Елизавета I. Shorty Greasy Spot-Spot?: Людвиг (''Utterly dismayed''). No! (''Getting up and walking to the door in a rage'') Нет! Нет! Нет! … You vill all of you, regret the day that y'ever mocked my complexion. I shall return and wreak my rewengue. (''Злая усмешка.''): Блэкэддер. Нет, ты умрёшь и тебя похоронят! (''Бросает нож.''): Людвиг. А-а!

:''Blackadder explains why he could just ''escape, return and kill the cow ''and'' be sure it was not Nursie'''': Блэкэддер. Because, Lady, Ludwig was a master of disguise. Whereas Нерси is a sad, insane old woman with an udder-fixation. All we had to do was kill the one that ''looked like the cow''! That was the mistake I knew that Ludwig would make: his disguise was (''sticking up finger in a rapid triumphant lecturing gesture'') ''too good''!

: Перси. Ты скучал по мне, Эдмунд?: Блэкэддер. Yes I did, Percy. Many a time I said to myself, "You know, I wish Percy was here…: Перси. I knew it! (''embraces Edmund.''): Блэкэддер. …getting tortured instead of me.": Болдрик. Did you miss me, милорд?: Блэкэддер. Um… Болдрик, is it?: Болдрик. Yeah.: Блэкэддер. No, not really.: Елизавета I. And me, Блэкэддер. Did you miss me?: Блэкэддер. Marm… life without you is like a broken pencil.: Елизавета I. Объясни.: Блэкэддер. Pointless.

:''Blackadder, Baldrick, Percy, Melchett, Nursie and Queen Elizabeth are all lying dead on the floor.: Людвиг (''disguised as the Queen''). This is a disguise I'm really going to enjoy! Now, if I could just get the voice right.

=Чёрная Гадюка Третий=

=Еда и мошенничество=

: Блэкэддер. After the chaos of a general election, we can return to normal.: Миссис Миггинс. Oh, has there been a general election then, Mr Black Adder?: Блэкэддер. Indeed there has, миссис Миггинс.: Миссис Миггинс. Oh, I've never heard about it!: Блэкэддер. Well, of course you didn't, you're not eligible to vote!: Миссис Миггинс. Почему нет?: Блэкэддер. Because virtually no one is. Женщины, крестьяне, (''gestures to Baldrick'') шимпанзе, сумасшедшие, лорды…: Болдрик. That's not true, Lord Nelson's got a vote!: Блэкэддер. He's got a boat, Балдрик! A marvellous thing, democracy! Look at Manchester. Население — 60 000, electoral roll, три.

:''Pitt the Younger addresses parliament for the first time as prime minister.'': Питт-младший. Мистер спикер, Members of the House, I shall be brief, as I have rather unfortunately become prime minister right in the middle of my exams.

: Питт-младший. I have three main goals I wish to achieve as prime minister. One, war with France. Two, tougher penalties for geography teachers. And three, a right-royal kick of the prince's backside! I now call upon the Leader of the Opposition to test me on my Latin vocab.

: Принц Георг. I say, Blackadder, are you sure this is the PM? Seems more like an oily tick to me. When I was at school, we used to line up four or five of his sort, make 'em bend over, and use 'em as a toast rack.: Питт-младший. It doesn't surprise me, sir, I know your sort. Once, it was I who stood in the big, cold schoolroom, a hot crumpet burning my cheeks with shame. Since that day, I have been busy every hour God sent, working to become Prime Minister and fight sloth and privilege wherever I found it.: Блэкэддер (''Casually''). I trust you weren't too busy to remove the crumpet.

: Блэкэддер. Sir Talbot represented the constituency of Dunny-on-the-Wold, and, by an extraordinary stroke of luck, it is a rotten borough.: Принц Георг. Really! Is it! Well, lucky-lucky us. Lucky-lucky-luck. (as a chicken) Luck-luck-LAKK-LAKK-LAKK-LAKK-cluck-cluck-cluck-cluck-cluck-LAKK-LAKK-LAKK.: Блэкэддер. …You don't know what a rotten borough is, do you, sir?: Принц Георг. No.: Блэкэддер. So what was the chicken impression in aid of?: Принц Георг. Well, I just didn't want to hurt your feelings. Erm, so, what is a robber button?: Блэкэддер. *Rotten borough*.: Принц Георг. Oh, yes, you're right.

: Блэкэддер. If we're going to get him to support us, he will need some sort of incentive.: Принц Георг. Hmm, anything in mind?: Блэкэддер. Well, you could appoint him a high court judge.: Принц Георг. Is he qualified?: Блэкэддер. He's a violent, bigoted, mindless old fool.: Принц Георг. Sounds a bit over-qualified! Get him here at once!: Блэкэддер. Certainly, sire. I will return before you can say 'antidisestablishmentarianism.': Принц Георг. Well, I wouldn't be too sure about that! Antidistibilitsmin… anti-misty-linstimbl…:''two days later…'': Принц Георг. Anti-distinctly-minty-muntanism… anti…:''Blackadder enters'': Блэкэддер. Сэр Talbot Buxomly!

: Блэкэддер. Right now, all you have to is fill in this MP application form. Фамилия?: Болдрик. Болдрик.: Блэкэддер. Имя?: Болдрик. Uh, я не не уверен.: Блэкэддер. You must have some idea.: Болдрик. Well, it might be "Sod Off".: Блэкэддер. Что?: Болдрик. Well, when I used to play in the gutter, I used to say to the other snipes: «Привет, меня зовут Болдрик». And they'd say: «Да, мы знаем, отвали Болдрик».: Blackadder. Right. Мистер О. Болдрик. Now, any distinguishing features? ''(He thinks it through)'' None.: Baldrick. Well, I've got this big growth in the middle of my face here…: Blackadder. That's your nose, Болдрик. "Any history of insanity in the family?":(''Pauses to think'') Tell you what, I'll cross out the "in". "Any history of sanity in the family?" … "none whatsoever.": Блэкэддер. Criminal record?: Baldrick. Absolutely not!: Blackadder. Oh come on Baldrick, you're going to be an MP. Look, I'll just put down fraud and sexual deviancy.

: Блэкэддер (''Болдрику''). Do you have any ambitions in life, apart from the acquisition of turnips?

:''what would Baldrick do with a million pounds'': Болдрик. I'd get a great big turnip in the country.

: Питт-младший. I intend to put up my own brother as a candidate against you!: Блэкэддер. Oh, and which Pitt would this be? Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo? Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?: Питт-младший. Pah! Gentlemen, as I said to Chancellor Metternich at the Congress of Strasbourg; poooo to you, with knobs on!

: Принц Георг. We paid for this seat! And I think it's a damn liberty we should have to ''stand'' for it as well.

: Блэкэддер. Well, we in the Adder Party are going to fight this campaign on issues, not personalities.: Винсент Ханна. Why is that?: Блэкэддер. Because our candidate doesn't ''have'' a personality.

: Винсент Ханна. Well can you at least tell me one thing. Что означает иниципл «О» в его имени?: Блэкэддер. Отвали.: Винсент Ханна. Well, I guess it's none of my business really.

:''Reporter Vincent Hanna interviews Pitt after his loss.'': Винсент Ханна. Master William Pitt, the Even Younger, are you disappointed?: Питт еще младше. Yes I'm horrified. I smeared my opponents, bribed the press to be on my side, and threatened to torture the electorate if we lost! I fail to see what more a decent politician could have done.

: Болдрик. I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!

: Блэкэддер. Who cares about a dead cat now that I'm a fat cat?

:''Blackadder enters in a Lords gown'': Блэкэддер. Милорд.: Принц Георг. Милорды.: Блэкэддер. Pardon, сэр?: Принц Георг. Милорды. There is more than one lord in the vicinity. Will you please welcome his Grace, the Lord Baldrick.:''Baldrick enters in his lordly regalia'': Блэкэддер. You made BALDRICK a Lord?: Принц Георг. Well, yes. One who has recently done sterling service, matching the political machinations of the evil Pitt. Good old Lord Baldrick!: Болдрик. It's all right Blackadder, you don't have to curtsey or anything.: Блэкэддер. Sir, might I let loose a short violent exclamation?: Принц Георг. Certainly.: Блэкэддер. DAMN!: Принц Георг. I say, that's a bit of a strange get up, isn't it Blackadder?: Блэкэддер. No sir, I'm just off to a fancy dress party. I'm going as Lady Hamilton's pussy.:(''he walks towards the door, stops and turns''): Блэкэддер. There is one little question, sir. About the ?400 000 to influence the lords…: Принц Георг. Ah, yes. I gave that to Lord Baldrick.: Блэкэддер. (''Looking pleased'') Ahh! Sir, might I be permitted to take Lord Baldrick downstairs to his some instruction in his lordly duties?: Принц Георг. I think that's a splendid idea.: Блэкэддер. (''to Baldrick'') This way, my Lord.:(''Leaves with cloak raised, dracula-esque) ''

: Блэкэддер (''thumping Baldrick on the table''). Give me the bloody money back, Baldrick or you're dead!: Болдрик. Give me the bloody money back, Baldrick or you're dead, my lord!: Блэкэддер. Just DO it, Baldrick. Otherwise, I shall further enoble you by knighting you rather clumsily with this meat cleaver!: Болдрик. But I haven't got it.: Блэкэддер. What?: Болдрик. I spent it.: Блэкэддер. You spent it?! What could you possibly spent ?400, 000 on? (''Baldrick slowly looks toward the turnip, smiling. Blackadder finally notices it.'') Oh no, oh god, don't tell me.: Болдрик. My dream turnip.: Блэкэддер. Baldrick, how did you manage to find a turnip that cost 400, 000 pounds?: Болдрик. Well I had to haggle.: Блэкэддер (''takes the turnip and forces it down over Baldrick's head''). This is the worst moment of my entire life. I spent my last penny on a catskin windcheater, and I've just broken a priceless turnip.:(''knock on the door''): Блэкэддер. and now I'm about to be viciously slaughtered by a naked Tunisian sock merchant. And all I can say, Baldrick, is this: it's the last time I dabble in politics!:''Baldrick shrugs and the credits roll''.

=Чернила и некомпетентность=

: Принц Георг. Last night, I was having a bit of a snack at the Naughty Hellfire Club, and some fellow said I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey.: Блэкэддер. Oh, an ''absurd'' suggestion, sir.: Принц Георг. You're right. It ''is'' absurd.: Блэкэддер. Unless, of couse, it was a particularly ''stupid'' donkey.

:''Д-р Сэмюэль Джонсон joins the company of the Prince Regent'': Принц Георг. А, доктор Джонсон. Damn cold day.: Д-р Джонсон. Indeed it is, sir, but a very fine one. For I celebrated last night the encyclopedic implementation of my pre-meditated orchestration of demotic Anglo-Saxon.: Принц Георг. No. Didn't catch any of that.: Д-р Джонсон. Well I simply observe, sir, that I'm felicitous, since during the course of the penultimate solar sojourn, I terminated my un-interrupted categorization of the vocabulary of our post-Norman tongue.: Принц Георг. Well, I don't know what you're talking about, but it sounds damn saucy, you lucky thing! I know some fairly liberal-minded girls, but I've never penultimated any of them in a solar sojourn, or for that, been given any Norman tongue.: Блэкэддер. I believe, sir, that the Doctor is trying to tell you, that he is happy because he has finished his book. It has apparently taken him, ten years.: Принц Георг. Yes. Well. I'm a slow reader myself.

:(''Dr. Samuel Johnson presents his comprehensive English dictionary to the Prince Regent.''): Д-р Джонсон. This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language!: Принц Георг. Hmmm.: Блэкэддер. Every single one, sir?: Д-р Джонсон. Every single word, sir!: Блэкэддер. Oh. Well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic… contrafibularities.: Д-р Джонсон. What?!: Блэкэддер. Contrafibularities, sir? It is a common word, down our way.: Д-р Джонсон. Damn! (''Dr. Johnson scribbles in his book.''): Блэкэддер. Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation.

:''Blackadder leaves to fetch the tea.: Блэкэддер. I shall return interfrastically.

:''Dr. Johnson, storming out, comes upon Blackadder.'': Блэкэддер. Leaving already, Doctor? Not staying for your pendigestatory interludicule?: Д-р Джонсон. No, sir! Show me out!: Блэкэддер. Certainly, sir! Anything I can do to facilitate your velocitous extramuralisation.

: Д-р Джонсон. Not only have you impeculiated – heh! — my dictionary, but you have also lost the chance to act as patron to the only book in the world that is even better!: Блэкэддер. Oh. And what is that, sir? «Словарь-2»? "The Return of the Killer Dictionary"?

: Болдрик. So you're asking where the big papery thing tied up with string, belonging to the baity fellow in the black coat who just left, is?: Блэкэддер. Yes, Baldrick, I am. And if you don't answer, then the booted bony thing with five toes on the end of my leg will soon connect sharply with the soft dangly collection of objects in your trousers. For the last time, Baldrick, where is Dr. Johnson's manuscript?: Болдрик. On the fire.: Блэкэддер. On the what?!: Болдрик. The hot, orangey thing under the stoney mantlepiece.

: Принц Георг. Now I've got my lovely fire, I'm as happy as a Frenchman who's invented a pair of self-removing trousers.

: Блэкэддер. We are going to go to Mrs. Miggins', we are going to find out where Doctor Johnson keeps a copy of that dictionary, and then ''you'' are going to steal it.: Болдрик. Я?: Блэкэддер. Да, ты.: Болдрик. Почему я?: Блэкэддер. Because ''you'' burned it, Болдрик!: Болдрик. But then, I'll go to Hell forever for stealing!: Блэкэддер. Baldrick, believe me… Eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with ''me'' and ''this pencil''. If we can't replace this dictionary!

: Блэкэддер. Now Baldrick, go to the kitchen and make me something quick and simple to eat, would you? Two slices of bread with something in between.: Болдрик. Wot, like Gerald Lord Sandwich had the other day?: Блэкэддер. Yes! A few rounds of geralds.

:''The Prince and Baldrick are helping Blackadder recreate Johnson's dictionary.'': Блэкэддер. Baldrick, what have you done?: Болдрик. I've done "C" and "D".: Блэкэддер. Right. Let's have it, then.: Болдрик. Right. "Big blue wobbly thing that mermaids live in.": Блэкэддер. What's that?: Болдрик. "C".: Блэкэддер. Yes. ''Tiny'' misunderstanding. Still, my hopes weren't high. Oh, and what about "D"?: Болдрик. I'm quite pleased with "dog".: Блэкэддер. Yes, and your defintion of "dog" is?: Болдрик. "Not a cat."

: Принц Георг. How goes it, Блэкэддер?: Блэкэддер. Not all that well, sir.: Принц Георг. Well, let's have a look…(''reads'') "Medium-sized insectivore with protruding nasal implement." (''pauses'') Doesn't sound much like a bee to me.: Blackadder (''growling''): It's an aardvark! Can't you see, Your Highness, it's a bloody aardvark!!!: Принц Георг. Oh dear, still on aardvark are we?

: Д-р Джонсон. Ah, I see you've underlined a few (''reads the dictionary with coarse language and starts to yell'') Bloomers, bottom, burp, fart, fiddle, FORNICATE!?!? I hope you're not using the first English dictionary to look up rude words.: Блэкэддер. I wouldn't be too hopeful; that's what all the other ones will be used for.: Болдрик. Can I look up turnip, sir?: Блэкэддер. Turnip isn't a rude word, Baldrick.: Болдрик. It is if you sit on one.

=Шишка и дворянство=

: Блэкэддер. Вы говорите по-английски?: Граф де Фру-Фру. Немного…: Блэкэддер. Yes, when you say 'a little', what exactly do you mean? I mean, can we talk, or are we going to spend the rest of the afternoon asking each other the way to the beach in very loud voices?: Граф де Фру-Фру. Ah, no. I can, er, order coffee, deal with waiters, make sexy sexy chit-chat with girls — that type of thing.: Блэкэддер. Oh good.: Граф де Фру-Фру. Just don't ask me to take a physiology class or direct a light opera.

: Блэкэддер. How would you like to earn some money?: Граф де Фру-Фру. I would not like to earn it. I would like other people to earn it and give it to me.

: Блэкэддер. You see, the ancient Greeks, Sir, wrote in legend of a terrible container in which all the evils of the world were trapped. How prophetic they were. All they got wrong was the name. They called it "Pandora's Box," when, of course, they meant "Baldrick's Trousers."

: Блэкэддер. Ah, good evening, my man. Do you speak English?: Солдат. Little.: Блэкэддер. Good, well, just take me to the Ambassador, then, will you?: Солдат. ''Pardon?'': Блэкэддер (''slowly and clearly''). I have rescued an (''pushes up the end of his nose'') aristocrat, from (''makes claw hands'') the clutches of the evil revolutionaries. Please take me to the Ambassador.: Солдат (''equally slowly''). No, I won't. I am an (''makes claw hands'') evil revolutionary, and have (''slices finger across his neck'') murdered the (''pushes up his nose'') Ambassador, and turned him into (''mimes chopping and tasting'') pâté!

: Солдат. And you, aristo-pig, are trapped!: Граф де Фру-Фру. Pig? Ha! You will regret your insolence, revolutionary deug!: Солдат. Deug? Ha! You will regret your, arrogance, royalist sneke!: Граф де Фру-Фру. sneke? Ha!:(''Blackadder interrupts'')

: Граф де Фру-Фру. How dare you, you filthy weasel!: Солдат. Weasel? Ha! You?re one to talk, aristo-warthog!: Граф де Фру-Фру. Бородавочник? Ха!: Солдат. Ха!:(''Blackadder interrupts''): Блэкэддер. Excuse me, Фру-Фру…:(''to Soldier''): Блэкэддер. Look, mate, me old mate… we're both working class; we both hate these rich bastards. I mean, come on, come on me old mucker… just let me go — you've got nothing against me.: Солдат. On the contrary… I hate you English with your boring trousers and your shiny toilet paper… and your ''ridiculous'' preconceptions that Frenchmen are great lovers! (''leans closer and lowers voice'') I'm French, and I'm hung like a baby carrot and a couple of pipi corn …:Farewell "old mucker"… and death to the aristos!!: Болдрик. Death to the aristos!!: Блэкэддер. Oh shut up, mouse-brain.: Граф де Фру-Фру. Why do you waste your words on this scum? Have no fear! The Scarlet Pimpernel will save us!: Блэкэддер. Ha! Some hope. The Pimpernel is the most overrated human being since Иуда Искариот won the A.D. 31 Best Disciple Competition.

:''The revolutionary ambassador is bored'': Солдат (pensive). I think I will torture… You! Aristo-mongul.: Граф де Фру-Фру. Mongul? Ha! I look forward to it, proletarian skanque!: Солдат. Skanque? Хa! We'll see about that, aristocratic happypotamus!: Граф де Фру-Фру. happypotamus? Ha! This should get…:''They exit exchanging further insults''

: Болдрик. I'm glad to say I don't think you'll be needing those pills, Mr. B.: Блэкэддер. Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words ''I have a cunning plan'' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?: Болдрик (''With cheeky smile on face''). They certainly are sir!: Блэкэддер. Well, forgive me if I don't do a cartwheel of joy; your record in this department is hardly 100%. So what is it?: Болдрик. We do nothing: Блэкэддер. Yup, it's another world-beater.: Болдрик. No, wait. We do nothing until our heads have actually been cut off.: Блэкэддер. And then we… spring into action?

: Болдрик. I couldn't sleep when I was little.: Блэкэддер. You still ''are'' little, Baldrick.: Болдрик. Yeah, well, when I was even littler, see, we used to live in this haunted hovel. Every night, my family were troubled by a visitation from this disgusting ghoul. It was terrible. First there was this unholy smell, then this tiny, clammy, hairy creature would materialise in the bed between them. Fortunately, I could never see it myself.: Блэкэддер. Yes; Tell me, Baldrick: when you left home, did this repulsive entity mysteriously disappear?: Болдрик. That very day…

: Принц Георг. I say, Blackadder, do you think he really was the Scarlet Pimpernel?: Блэкэддер. Well, judging from the ridiculous ostentatiousness of his death, I would that say he was.: Принц Георг. Well, then, that's a damn shame, because I wanted to give him this enormous postal order.: Блэкэддер. Please, sir, let me finish. I would say that he was… n't .

: Блэкэддер. We hate the French! We fight wars against the French! Did all those men die in vain on the fields of Agincourt? Was the man who burned Joan of Arc simply wasting good matches?

=Разум и слабоумие=

: Блэкэддер. And the worst thing about it (going to the theatre) is having to go with Prince Mini-Brain.: Болдрик. Doesn't he like it either?: Блэкэддер. No, he loves it. The problem is that he doesn't realise that it's made up. Last time when Brutus was about to stab Julius Caesar the prince shouted out, "Look behind you, Mister Caesar!"

: Анархист. Smash the spinning jenny! Burn the rolling rosalind! Destroy the going-up-and-down-a-bit-and-then-moving-along gertrude! And death to the stupid Prince, ''who — grows — fat — on — the — profits''!

: Принц Георг. I must say, Blackadder, that was a close shave! Why on earth would an anarchist possibly want to kill you?: Блэкэддер. I think it might have been ''you'' he was after, sir.: Принц Георг. Oh, hogwash! What on earth makes you say that?: Блэкэддер. Well, my suspicions were first aroused by his use of the words "death to the stupid prince".: Принц Георг. It was a bit rude, wasn't it?: Блэкэддер. These are volatile times, Your Highness. The American Revolution lost your father the colonies, the French Revolution murdered brave King Louis, and there are tremendous rumblings in Prussia… although that might be something to do with the sausages.

: Блэкэддер. Disease and deprivation stalk our land like… two giant… stalking things.

: Миссис Миггинс. Still, I don't expect you'd know much about ''that'', being only a little ''butler''! Ha ha!: Блэкэддер. They do say, миссис M, that verbal insults hurt ''more'' than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head.

: Блэкэддер. Gentlemen, I've come with a proposition.: Моссоп. How dare you, sir! You think, just because we're actors, we sleep with everyone.: Блэкэддер. I think, being actors, you're lucky to sleep with ''anyone''.

: Болдрик. My uncle Baldrick was in a play once.: Блэкэддер. Really?: Болдрик. Yeah, it was called « Макбeт ».: Блэкэддер. And what did he play?: Болдрик. Second codpiece. Макбeт wore him in the fight scenes.: Блэкэддер. So he was a stunt codpiece.: Болдрик. Yes.: Блэкэддер. Did he have a large part?: Болдрик. Depends who's playing Макбeт.

:''Actors Mossop and Keanrick haughtily enter in the middle of a conversation.'': Моссоп. …lest you continue in your quotation, and mention the name of the Scottish play.: Кинрик. Oh-ho-ho… never fear, I shan't do that.: Блэкэддер. By the Scottish play, I assume you mean «Макбeт».: Моссоп, Кинрик. Aaah!:''The actors launch into a bizarre "pattycake" routine while reciting…'': Mossop, Keanrick. "Hot potato, orchestra stalls, Puck will make amends." :''…and finish by tweaking each other's noses.'': Моссоп, Кинрик. Aaah!: Блэкэддер. What was ''that''?: Кинрик. We were exorcising evil spirits. Being but a mere butler, you will ''not'' know the great theatre tradition that one does ''never'' speak the name of the Scottish play.: Блэкэддер. What, «Макбeт»?: Моссоп, Кинрик. Aaah! "Hot potato, orchestra stalls, Puck will make amends." Aaah-haa!: Блэкэддер. Good lord, you mean you have to do that ''every'' time I say «Макбeт»?: Моссоп, Кинрик. Aaah! "Hot potato, orchestra stalls, Puck will make amends." Aaah-aaah-haa!: Моссоп. Will you ''please'' stop saying that! ''Always'' call it "the Scottish play".: Блэкэддер. So you want me to say, "the Scottish play"?: Моссоп, Кинрик. Yes!: Блэкэддер. Rather than «Макбeт»?: Моссоп, Кинрик. Aaaaah! "Hot potato, orchestra stalls, Puck will make amends." Aaah-haa! Oww!:''Prince George enters.'': Принц Георг. For heaven's sake, what is all this hullabaloo, all this shouting and screaming and yelling blue murder? Why, it's like that play we saw the other day, what was it called… uh…: Блэкэддер. «Макбeт», сэр?: Моссоп, Кинрик. Aaaaah! "Hot potato, orchestra stalls, Puck will make amends." Aaah! Oooh!!: Принц Георг. No, no, no, no, it was… it was called "''Julius Caesar''".: Блэкэддер. Oh yes, of course. «Юлий Цезарь»… Не «Макбeт».: Моссоп, Кинрик. Aah! "Hot potato, orchestra stalls, Puck will make amends." Owwww!: Блэкэддер. Are you sure you want these people to stay?:''Later…'': Кинрик. From a play ''connected'' with Scotland …: Блэкэддер (''having just walked in''). Это «Макбeт», не так ли?: Моссоп, Кинрик. Aaah!…

:''The actors have the Prince assume an awkward, legs-spread pose for his speech.'': Кинрик. Why, your very posture tells me, "Here is a man of true greatness.": Блэкэддер. Either that or, "Here are my genitals. Please kick them."

:''Blackadder fumes over the Prince's rude treatment.'': Блэкэддер. One more foot wrong, and the contract between us…:''He picks up a glass jug.'': Блэкэддер. … will be as broken as ''this'' milk jug.: Болдрик. But that milk jug isn't broken.: Блэкэддер. You really do walk into these things, don't you, Baldrick?:''He breaks the jug over Baldrick's head.''

: Блэкэддер. Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest and friendly companionship.: Болдрик. Ahhh, thank you, Mr B.: Блэкэддер. But, as we both know, it would be an ''utter'' lie. I will therefore confine myself to saying simply, "Sod off," and if I ever meet you again, it'll be twenty ''billion'' years too soon.:(''leaves''): Болдрик. Goodbye you lazy, big-nosed, rubber-faced bastard!:''Blackadder comes back into the room looking murderous'': Блэкэддер. I fear you will soon be eating those badly chosen words, Baldrick. I wouldn't bet one groat that you could last five minutes here without me!: Болдрик. Oh, come on, Mr B. It's not as though we're gonna get murdered or anything the moment you leave.: Блэкэддер. Hope springs eternal, Baldrick.

:''Blackadder has the dim Prince arrest the actors for plotting murder.'': Кинрик. It was a play, sir! A play! Look, all the words you heard written down on that paper.: Блэкэддер. Textbook stuff again, you see. The criminal's vanity always makes them make one tiny but fatal mistake. Theirs was to have their entire conspiracy printed and published in play manuscript form. Take them away!: Кинрик. Alas! We beg for mercy! Mercy!: Моссоп. Mercy, please, sir!: Блэкэддер. I've only got one thing to say to you… «Макбeт»!

=Эми и добродушие=

: Принц Георг. Honestly, Blackadder, I don't know why I'm bothering to get dressed. As soon as I get to the Naughty Hellfire Club, I'll be de-bagged and radished for non-payment of debts.: Блэкэддер. "Radished", sir?: Принц Георг. Yes. They pull your britches down, and push a large radish right up your—: Блэкэддер. Yes, yes, yes, alright, sir! (''pauses'') There's no need to hammer it home.: Принц Георг. As a matter of fact, they ''do'' often—: Блэкэддер. No, NO!

: Болдрик. My favourite's the Shadow. What a man! They say he's half way to being the new Robin Hood.: Блэкэддер. Why only half way?: Болдрик. Well he steals from the rich, but he hasn't gone round to giving it to the poor yet.

:''Blackadder discusses finding the Prince a wealthy girl to marry.'': Принц Георг. Yes, you fix it up! You know the kind of girls I like. They've got to be lovers, laughers, dancers!: Блэкэддер. And bonkers.: Принц Георг. Well, that goes without saying!

:''Blackadder is despairing of finding a bride for the Prince'': Backadder. There's Grand Duchess Sophia of Turin. We'll never get her to marry him.: Болдрик. Why not?: Backadder. Because she's met him.

:''Still trying to find a bride for the Prince'': Блэкэддер. Of the 262 princesses in Europe, 165 are over 80 — they're out — 47 are under 10 — they're out — and 39 are mad.: Болдрик. They sound ideal.: Блэкэддер. They would be if they hadn't all got married last week in Munich to the same horse.

: Болдрик. He ''is'' the Prince of Wales.: Блэкэддер. Have you ever ''been'' to Wales, Baldrick?: Болдрик. No, but I've often thought I'd like to.: Блэкэддер. Well, don't. It's a ''ghastly'' place. Huge gangs of tough, sinewy men roam the valleys, terrifying people with their close-harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the place names. Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick. You'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.

: Принц Георг. Sausage time!

: Блэкэддер. Sir, I come as emissary of the Prince of Wales with the most splendid news. He wants your daughter Amy for his wife.: Джосайа Хардвуд. Well, his wife can't have her! It's outrageous, sir, to come here with such a suggestion!:(''Hardwood rises in anger.''): Джосайа Хардвуд. Mind, sir! Or I shall take off me belt and — by thunder! — me trousers'll fall down.

:(''Blackadder just proposed in the name of the Prince Regent''): Джосайа Хардвуд. Now we're marrying quality, we'll never be poor or hungry again.: Блэкэддер. Meaning, that you are poor and hungry at the moment?: Джосайа Хардвуд. Oh yes! We've been living off lard butties for five years now. I'm so poor, I use my underpants for drying dishes.: Блэкэддер. So, you're skint!?: Джосайа Хардвуд. Aye!: Блэкэддер. Well, in that case, the wedding's off. Good day!: Эми Хардвуд. Oh, but — what about George's lovey-wovey poems that won my hearty-warty?: Блэкэддер. All writteny-witteny by me-wee, I'm afraidy-waidy. Goodbye!

:''Blackadder packs the Prince's wedding presents in a large bag'': Блэкэддер. Right! I'm off.: Болдрик. Oh, sir, but what about the danger? Look! The reward's going up day by day.: Блэкэддер. Ha! I laugh in the face of Danger! I drop ice cubes down the vest of Fear! Things couldn't be better, Baldrick. She'll get me abroad and make me rich! Then I'll probably drop her, and get 200 concubines, to share my bed.: Болдрик. Won't they be rather prickly?: Блэкэддер. Concubines, not porcupines!

:''Blackadder is about to leave for the West Indies'': Болдрик. I still can't believe you're leaving me behind.: Блэкэддер. Oh don't you worry. When we're established on our plantation in Barbados I'll send for you. No more sad little London for you, Balders. From now on, you will stand out in life, as an individual.: Болдрик. Will I?: Блэкэддер. Well of course you will. All the other slaves will be black.

:''Mrs. Miggins caught word that Blackadder is leaving'': Миссис Миггинс. Oh, sir! What a tragic end to all my dreams! And I'd always hoped that you'd settle down and marry me, and that, together we might await the slither of tiny Adders. Ooh!:''Mrs. Miggins starts crying on Blackadders chest'': Блэкэддер. If we were the last three humans on earth, I'd be trying (''places arm around Baldricks shoulders'') to start a family with Baldrick!:''Mrs. Miggins turns away, weeping horribly horribly''

: Блэкэддер. Baldrick, have you no idea what "irony" is?: Болдрик. Yes, it's like "goldy" and "bronzy" only it's made out of iron.

: Блэкэддер. Well go out into the street and hire me a horse.: Болдрик. Hire you a horse? For nine pence? On Jewish new year in the rain? A bare fortnight after the dreaded horse plague of old London town? With the Blacksmith's strike in its fifteenth week and the Dorset horse fetishists fair tomorrow?

=Дуэль и дуализм=

: Блэкэддер. Leave me alone, Baldrick. If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.

: Блэкэддер. I want to be remembered when I'm dead. I want books written about me. I want songs sung about me. And then, hundreds of years from now, I want episodes of my life to be played out weekly at half past nine by some great heroic actor of the age.: Болдрик. Yeah, and I could be played by some tiny tit in a beard.: Блэкэддер. Quite.

: Блэкэддер. An unwise action, Baldrick, since McAdder is a homicidal maniac.: Болдрик. My mother taught me to stand up to homicidal maniacs.: Блэкэддер. Yes. If this is the same mother who confidently claimed that you were a tall stallion of a man, I should treat her opinions with extreme caution.: Болдрик. I love my mum.: Blackdadder. And I love chops in sauce but I don't seek their advice.

:''After Baldrick unwisely volunteers Blackadder to pretend to be the Prince for a duel with Wellington.'': Блэкэддер. Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you into long strips and telling the Prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?

:''Wellington is arriving to challenge the Prince.'': Блэкэддер. There's no alternative, sir. We must swap clothes.: Принц Георг. Ah. Fantastic, yes! Dressing up! I love it! It's like that story, ah… ''The Prince and the Porpoise''.: Блэкэддер. ''and the ''Pauper ''.: Принц Георг. Oh, yes yes yes. ''The Prince and the Porpoise, and the Pauper''.

:''Blackadder and the Prince Regent have exchanged clothes'': Принц Георг. Excellent, excellent! Why, my own father wouldn’t recognise me.: Блэкэддер. Your own father never can – he’s mad.: Принц Георг. Oh yes, yes.: Блэкэддер. Unfortunately, sir, you do realise that I shall have to treat you like a servant?: Принц Георг (''саркастично''). Oh, I think I can cope with that, Blackadder.: Блэкэддер. And you will have to get used to calling me «ваше величество», ваше величество.: Принц Георг. «Ваше величество, ваше величество».: Блэкэддер. Нет, просто «ваше величество», ваше величество".: Принц Георг. That’s what I said, «Ваше величество, ваше величество», ваше величество, ваше величество.: Блэкэддер. Yes, let’s just leave that for now, shall we? Complicated stuff obviously.

:''Baldrick is confused at the clothing change.'': Блэкэддер. Don't even try to work it out, Baldrick. Two people you know well have exchanged coats, and now you don't know which is which.: Принц Георг. I'm pretty confused myself. Which one of us is Wellington?: Блэкэддер (''long pause''). Wellington is the man at the door.: Принц Георг. Oh, right. And the porpoise?: Блэкэддер (''another long pause''). Hasn't arrived yet, sir. We'll… we'll just have to fill in as best we can without him.

: Веллингтон. The men had a whip round and bought you this. Well, that is to say I had the men roundly whipped until they bought you this. It's a cigarillo case emblazoned with the regimental crest: two crossed dead Frenchmen on a mound of dead Frenchmen motif.

:''Blackadder and Wellington are examining maps.'': Веллингтон. Now, let’s turn to the second front, my Lord.: Блэкэддер. Ah, yes. Now, as I understand it, Napoleon is in North Africa – and Nelson is stationed in…: Веллингтон. Alaska, Your Highness. In case Bony should try and trick us by coming via the North Pole.: Блэкэддер. Yes … Perhaps a preferable stratagem, Your Grace, might be to harry him amid-ships as he leaves the Mediterranean. Trafalgar might be quite a good spot.: Веллингтон. Trafalgar? Well, I’ll mention it to Nelson.

:''Prince George (disguised as Blackadder) enters with a tea tray'': Веллингтон. Oh hell and buckshot! Here’s that tiresome servant of yours again.: Принц Георг (''to Blackadder''). Budge up, budge up.: Веллингтон (''shouting''). HOW DARE YOU SIT, SIR; IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR BETTERS. GET UP!: Принц Георг. Oh cripes, yes, I forgot.: Веллингтон. YOU SPEAK WHEN YOU’RE SPOKEN TO! (''Smacks Prince George across the head'') Unless you want to be flayed across a gun carriage. Well? (''Punches Prince George''): Блэкэддер (''blocking Wellington from George''). Sir, sir, I fear you have been too long a soldier. We no longer treat servants that way in London society.: Веллингтон. Why, I hardly touched the man!: Блэкэддер. I think you hit him very hard.: Веллингтон. Nonsense! ''That'' (''punches Prince George'') would have been a hard hit. I just him like that (''punches George again'').: Блэкэддер. No, sir, a soft hit would be like this (''punches Prince George''). Whereas you hit him like this (''punches Prince George harder'').: Принц Георг (''dishevelled''). Please, um, I wonder if I might be excused, Your Highness, Your Highness?: Блэкэддер. Certainly. (''going off to the side with Prince George'') I’m sorry about that, sir, but one has to keep up the pretence.: Принц Георг. I quite understand. You carry on the good work.: Блэкэддер. Very well, sir. (''punches Prince George''): Веллингтон (''slamming down a cup''). Hang on, this is bloody coffee! I ordered tea! (''Grabs Prince George by the ear and drags him to the tea tray'') You really are a confounded fool, aren’t you? I’d heard that the Prince was the imbecile, whereas his servant Blackadder was respected about the town. Now that I discover the truth, I’m disposed to beat you to death. (''shouting into Prince George’s ear'') TEA!:''Prince George grabs the tray and flees only to have Wellington kick him up the backside''

: Блэкэддер. Tell me, do you ever stop shouting and bullying the lower orders?: Веллингтон (''shouting''). НИКОГДА! There's only one way to win a campaign: shout, shout and shout again.: Блэкэддер. You don't think inspired leadership and tactical ability have anything to do with it?: Веллингтон (''pauses thinking''). НЕТ! It's all down to shouting! (''roars'') БA-A-A!

: Веллингтон. Well, goodbye, sir. And may the best man win – i.e. me.:''door opens with Prince George bearing a tray of tea.'': Принц Георг. Your tea, sir.: Веллингтон. YOU’RE LATE! Where the hell have you been for it? India? (''Smacks George across the back of the head''): Блэкэддер. Or Ceylon? (''Smacks George''): Веллингтон. Or China? (''Kicks George into the coffee table'') And don’t bother to show me the way out. I don’t want to die of old age before I get to the front door.

: Блэкэддер. Right, Baldrick, now here's the plan: when he offers me the swords, I kick him in the nuts and you set fire to the building. In the confusion we claim a draw! Alright?

:''After the duel; Blackadder has been shot; dramatic, emotional music plays.'': Болдрик. Sir, sir! Help me get his coat off!: Блэкэддер (''Drowsy''). Leave it, Baldrick… it doesn't matter.: Болдрик. Yes it does — blood's hell to shift, I want to get it in soak.: Веллингтон. You die like a man, sir — in combat.: Блэкэддер. You think so? Dammit, we must build a better world. When will the killing end?: Веллингтон (''Passionate''). You think I too don't dream of peace? You think I too don't dream of a day when we can end this damn, dirty job they call soldiering?: Блэкэддер. Frankly, no. My final wish upon this earth is that Baldrick be sold to provide funds for a Blackadder foundation to promote peace, and to do research into the possibility of an automatic machine for cleaning shoes. So I charge th…:''Blackadder dies.'': Веллингтон. His Highness is dead.:''Blackadder returns to life; the sad music cuts out.'': Блэкэддер (''Puzzled''). Actually, I'm not sure I am. Fortunately, that cigarillo case you gave me was placed at exactly the point the cannonball struck! I always said smoking was good for you.

:''Prince George has just been shot'': Принц Георг (''Dramatic''). I die! I hope men will say of me that I did duty by my country.: Блэкэддер. I think that's pretty unlikely, sir. If I were you, I'd wish for something a bit more realistic.: Принц Георг. Like what?: Блэкэддер. Well, you hope that men will think of you as a bit of a thicky?: Принц Георг. Alright, I'll hope that.

:''Last words of the series, as Baldrick cradles the Prince's body.'': Болдрик. There's a new star in heaven tonight. A giant freckle on the nose of the giant pixie…:''Prince George revives.'': Принц Георг. No, actually, Baldrick, I'm not dead! You see, I had a cigarillo case too!:''He fumbles for a moment in his pockets'': Принц Георг. Oh, damn. Must have left it on the dresser.:''George collapses back dead again''

=Чёрная Гадюка идёт вперёд=

=Капитан Повар=

: Блэкэддер. Baldrick, what are you doing out there?: Болдрик. I'm carving something on this bullet, sir.: Блэкэддер. What are you carving?: Болдрик. I'm carving "Baldrick", sir.: Блэкэддер. Why?: Болдрик. It's a cunning plan, actually.: Блэкэддер. Of course it is.: Болдрик. You see, you know they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it?: Блэкэддер. Yes.: Болдрик. Well, I thought if I owned the bullet with my name on it, then I'll never get hit by it. Because I won't ever shoot myself.: Блэкэддер. Shame.: Болдрик. And the chances of there being two bullets with my name on them are very small indeed.: Блэкэддер. Yes, that's not the only thing around here that's very small indeed. Your brain's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

: Джордж. Tally-ho, pip pip and Bernard's your uncle.: Блэкэддер. In English we say 'Good morning'.

: Джордж. Look what I've got for you, sir!: Блэкэддер. What?: Джордж. The latest issue of ''King and Country''. Damn inspiring stuff. 'The magazine that tells the Tommies the truth about the war'.: Блэкэддер. Or, alternatively, the greatest work of fiction since vows of fidelity were included in the French marriage service.: Джордж. Come come, sir, you can't deny that this fine newspaper is good for the morale of the men.: Блэкэддер. Certainly not. I just feel that more could be achieved by giving them some real toilet paper.: Джордж. Not with you at all, sir. What could any patriotic chap have against this magnificent mag?: Блэкэддер. Apart from his bottom?: Джордж. Yes.: Блэкэддер. Well, look at it. This stuff is about as convincing as Dr Crippin's defence lawyer! The British Tommies are all portrayed as six foot six with biceps the size of Bournemouth.

: Джордж. Great Scott, sir, you don't think the moment's finally arrived to give Harry Hun a darn good British-style thrashing, six o' the best, trousers down?!: Блэкэддер. If you mean, are we all going to get killed, the answer is 'yes'. Clearly Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.: Джордж. Bravo-issimo! Let's make a start, eh — up and over to glory! Last one in Berlin's a rotten egg!:''Blackadder stops George climbing up the trench.'': Блэкэддер. Give me your helmet, Lieutenant.:''George gives Blackadder his helmet, Blackadder throws it into the air above the trench. Machine gun fire is heard. Helmet falls back, perforated with bullet holes.'': Джордж. Yes, some sort of clever hat camouflage might be in order.

:''General Melchett, attended by Captain Darling, is briefing Captain Blackadder on the 'secret' plan.'': Дарлинг. List of personnel cleared for Mission Gainsborough, as dictated by General C.H. Melchett: You and me, Darling, obviously, Field Marshal Haig, Field Marshal Haig's wife, all of Field Marshal Haig's wife's friends, their families, their families' servants, their families' servants' tennis partners and some chap I bumped into in the mess the other day called Bernard.: Мелчетт. So it's maximum security. Is that clear?: Блэкэддер. Quite clear, sir. Only myself and the rest of the English-speaking world is to know.: Мелчетт. Good man! Now, Field Marshall Haig has formulated a brillant new tactical plan to ensure final victory in the field.: Блэкэддер. Would this brillant plan involve us climbing over the top of our trenches and walking very slowly towards the enemy?: Дарлинг. How did you know that, Blackadder? It's classified information.: Блэкэддер. It's the same plan we used last time, sir. And the seventeen times before that.: […] : Мелчетт. There is, however, one small problem.: Блэкэддер. That everyone always gets slaughtered in the first ten seconds?: Мелчетт. Exactly. And Field Marshal Haig is worried that this may be depressing the men a tadge, so he's looking for a way to cheer the men up.: Блэкэддер. His resignation and suicide seem the obvious answer.: Мелчетт. Интересная мысль. Запиши это, Дарлинг.

: Блэкэддер. Alright — total and utter quiet, do you understand? So, for instance, if any of us crawl over barbed wire they must on no account go (''screams'') "AARRRRGHH!": Болдрик. Did you just crawl over some barbed wire, sir?: Блэкэддер. No, Болдрик, I've put my elbow in a blob of ice-cream. Now, where the hell are we?: Джордж (''consults his map''). We-e-ell, it's a bit difficult to say. We've crawled into an area marked with little mushrooms…: Блэкэддер. Yes, and what do these symbols denote?: Джордж. Uhm… that we're in a field of mushrooms?: Блэкэддер. Lieutenant, that is a military map. It is unlikely to list interesting flora and fungi. Look in the key and I think you'll find those mushrooms aren't for picking.: Джордж. Ah yes, you're right, sir — it says 'mine' — so these mushrooms must belong to the man who made the map.: Блэкэддер. Either that or we're in the middle of a ''mine'' field.: Болдрик. Oh, dear!: Джордж. So, he owns the field as well.

: Джордж. If we ''should'' happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?: Блэкэддер. Well, normal procedure is to jump 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.

: Блэкэддер. One thing puzzles me, Болдрик. How did you manage to get so much custard out of such a small cat?

=Капрал Наказание=

: Блэкэддер (''по телефону''). Вы хотите заказать столик на троих, у окна, на 21:30, не слишком близко к оркестру, на имя оберлейтенанта фон Геншлера. Да. Да. Я думаю, вы, скорее всего, ошиблись номером.

: Блэкэддер. Now, if anyone asks, we didn't recieve any messages, and I definately did not shoot this delicious plump breasted pigeon.: Болдрик (''later, while being questioned by General Melchett''). We didn't receive any messages and Captain Blackadder definitely did not shoot this delicious plump breasted pigeon.

: Дарлинг. You're for it now, Blackadder! Frankly Sir, I've been suspecting this for some time. Clearly Captain Blackadder has been disobeying orders with a breathtaking impertinence.: Мелчетт. Да мне всё равно, пусть он хоть трахает герцога Йоркского луком-пореем рекордсменом! ''Он застрелил моего голубя!''

:''At the cell.'': Перкинс (Edmund's guard). Sadder than a happy hour then, Sir? Wave all our last goodbyes.: Блэкэддер. Oh, no need for that, Perkins. I've just dashed off a couple of notes, one asking for a sponge bag, and the other sending for my lawyer.: Перкинс. Oh, your lawyer now, yes Sir. Don't you think that might be a bit of a waste of money, sir?: Блэкэддер. Not when he's the finest mind in English legal history. Ever heard of Bob Massingbird?: Перкинс. Oh, yes indeed, Sir! A most gifted gentleman!: Блэкэддер. I remember Massingburg's most famous case, the case of the bloody knife. A man was found next to a murdured body, he had the knife in his hand, thirteen witnesses that seen him stab the victim, and when the police arrived he said, "I'm glad I killed the bastard." Massingbird not only got him off, but he got him knighted in the New Year's Honors list, and the relatives of the victim had to pay to have the blood washed out of his jacket.: Перкинс. And he's a dab hand at the prosecution, Sir.: Блэкэддер. Yes, well, look at Oscar Wilde.: Перкинс. Oh, butch Oscar.: Блэкэддер. Big, bearded, bonking, butch Oscar — the terror of the ladies. 114 illegitamate children, world heavyweight boxing champion, and author of the best-selling phamplet, "Why I Like To Do It With Girls". Massingbird had him sent down for being a woopsie.

:''At his court martial, Blackadder confronts a smirking Captain Darling.'': Дарлинг. Good luck, Blackadder.: Блэкэддер. Why, thank you, Darling. And what's your big job here today? Straightening chairs?: Дарлинг. No. In fact, I'm appearing for the prosecution. I woudn't raise your hopes too much — you're guilty as hell, you haven't got a chance!: Блэкэддер. Why, thank you, Darling, and… and I hope your mother dies in a freak yachting accident.

: Blackadder. Well any reasonably impartial judge is bound to let me off.: Дарлинг. Well, exactly.: Блэкэддер. Who is the judge by the way?: Мелчетт. Baaa!: Блэкэддер. I'm dead.

: Мелчетт. The case before us today is that of the Crown versus Captain Edmund Blackadder, ''the Flanders pigeon murderer''! Oh, um… clerk, hand me the black cap, shall you? I'll be— I'll be needing that. Thank you!: Блэкэддер. I love a fair trial.

: Блэкэддер. Отрицай всё, Болдрик.: Джордж. Вы рядовой Болдрик?: Болдрик. Нет!: Джордж. But you are Captain Blackadder's batman?: Болдрик. Нет!: Джордж. Oh, come on, Болдрик! Be a bit more helpful, it's ''me''!: Болдрик. No, it isn't!!

:''George is reading from his prepared closing statement.'': Джордж. …and I firmly believe that, like me, you will conclude that Captain Blackadder is, in fact, totally and utterly… ''guilty''!:''He sits. Blackadder turns over the page. George stands up again.'': Джордж. …of nothing more than trying to do his duty under difficult circumstances!

:''After Baldrick and George got drunk and screwed up Blackadder's appeal, almost getting Blackadder shot by firing squad.'': Блэкэддер. I'm not a religious man, as you know. But from now on I shall pray nightly to the God that killed Cain and squashed Samson that he come out of retirement and gets into practice on the pair of you!:''The phone rings; Blackadder answers.'': Блэкэддер. Captain Blackadder. Ah, Captain Darling. Well, you know, some of us just have friends in high places. Yes, I can hear you perfectly. What's that? You need two volunteers for a mission into No Man's Land? Codename — Operation Certain Death. Yes, I think I have just the fellows.:''Blackadder hangs up and turns to George and Baldrick.'': Блэкэддер (''Very maliciously''). God is ''very'' quick these days.

=Майор Звезда=

:''Baldrick tells George how much he admires Charlie Chaplin.'': Болдрик. He's as funny as a vegetable that's grown into a rude and amusing shape, sir!

:''Blackadder kicks Baldrick twice, to demonstrate the amusiveness of slapstick.'': Болдрик. No sir, and you mustn't do that to me, sir, 'cause ''that''… is a ''bourgeois act'' of repression, sir!: Блэкэддер. What?: Болдрик. Haven't you smelt it, sir? (''portentous'') There's something afoot in the wind! The huddled masses, yearning to be free!: Блэкэддер. Болдрик, have you been in the diesel oil again?

: Болдрик (''ever more portentously''). No sir, I've been supping the milk of freedom! Already our Russian comrades are poised on the brink of revolution. And here too, sir, the huddled what's-names — such as myself, sir — are ready to throw off the hated oppressors like you and the lieutenant! (''normal'') Present company excepted, sir.: Блэкэддер. Go and clean out the latrines.: Болдрик. Yes, sir! Right away, sir!

: Болдрик. They've already taken down Nicholas II, who used to be bizarre!: Блэкэддер. That's ''the tsar'', Болдрик.

:''George suggests Blackadder should go on the boards with his Cockney comedy act.'': Блэкэддер. Thank you, George. But if you don't mind, I'd rather have my tongue beaten waferthin by a steak tenderizer, and then stapled to the floor with a croquet hoop.

:''Blackadder asks private Bob Parkhurst whether he's in fact a girl.'': Паркхерст (''panicking''). Oh, definitely not, Sir! I understand cricket! I fart in bed! Everything!: Блэкэддер. Well, let me put it another way, Bob, you ''are'' a girl! And you are a girl with as much talent for disguise as a giraffe in dark glasses trying to get into a polar bears-only golf club.: Паркхерст. Oh, sir, oh, sir! Please don't give me away, sir. I just wanted to be like my brothers and join up. I want to see ''how'' a war is fought ''so badly!'': Блэкэддер. Well, you've come to the right place, Bob… The war hasn't been fought so badly since Olaf the Hairy, high chief of all the Vikings, accidently ordered 80,000 battle-helmets with the horns on the inside.

: Блэкэддер. Bob, take a telegram: 'Mr. C. Chaplin, Sennett Studios, Hollywood, California. Congrats. Stop. Have found only person in world less funny than you. Stop. Name Baldrick. Stop. Yours E. Blackadder. Stop.' Oh, and put a P.S.: 'Please, please, please. Stop.'

:''The show produced by Blackadder is a hit!'': Блэкэддер. Yes, in one short evening, I've become the most succesful impressario, since the manager of the Roman Colosseum thought of putting the Christians and the lions on the same bill.

:''Blackadder comments on Baldrick's Charlie Chaplin routine.'': Блэкэддер. Болдрик, in the Amazonian rain forest there are tribes of Indians as yet ''untouched'' by civilization who've developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions than yours.

:''Melchett comments on Baldrick's Charlie Chaplin routine.'': Мелчетт. Well, it was mostly awful, but, er, I enjoyed the slug balancer.: Блэкэддер. А! Рядовой Болдрик, сэр.: Мелчетт. That's right, yes! The slug fell off a couple of times but you can't, er, can't have everything, can you? I just suggest a bit more practice and, er, perhaps a little sparkly costume for the slug!

:''Melchett is practicing what he is going to say to Georgina in front of Darling.'': Мелчетт. I know exactly what I'm going to say to her… "Darling…: Дарлинг. Yes, sir?: Мелчетт. What?: Дарлинг. Um… I don't know, sir.: Мелчетт. Well, don't butt in!: Дарлинг. Very well, sir.: Мелчетт. "I want to make you happy, darling…": Дарлинг. Well, that's very kind of you, sir.: Мелчетт. Will you kindly stop interupting? If you don't listen to what I have to say, how can you tell me what you think?: Дарлинг. Sorry, sir.: Мелчетт. "I want to make you happy, darling, I want to build a nest for your ten tiny toes. I want to cover you in pepper and sneeze all over you!": Дарлинг. Sir, I must protest!: Мелчетт. What is the matter with you, Darling?: Дарлинг. Well, it's all just so sudden… I mean, the nest may be alright, but the pepper business is definitely out!: Мелчетт. How dare you try to tell me how to treat my dear Georgina!: Дарлинг. Oh… Georgina?: Мелчетт. Yes! I'm working on what I'm going to say to her tonight!: Дарлинг. Oh, sorry sir. Carry on.: Мелчетт. Really, Darling, you are the most graceless, dimwitted bumpkin I've ever met!: Дарлинг. Oh, I don't think you should say that to her, sir!: Мелчетт. No!

: Мелчетт. I'm in love with Georgina, Blackadder. I'm going to marry her on Saturday and I want you to be the best man!: Блэкэддер. Oh… sir, I don't think that's a very good idea.: Мелчетт. Oh, why not?: Блэкэддер. Because… there's something wrong with Georgina.: Мелчетт. Oh God! She's not Welsh, is she?

: Капитан Дарлинг. We received a telegram this morning from Mr. Chaplin himself at Sennett Studios. 'Twice nightly screening of my films in trenches: excellent idea. Stop. But must insist E. Blackadder be projectionist. Stop.' Oh, 'P.S. Don't let him ever… Stop.'

=Рядовой Самолёт=

: Флэшхарт. Mind if I use your phone? If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls'll kill themselves. And I wouldn't want them on my conscience, not when they ought to be on my face! Heh!

: Блэкэддер. This is just the beginning of the training. Five months of very clever, very dull men talking about machinery.: Флэшхарт. Hey girls! Come and look at my machinery!:(''Accompanied by ecstatic female screams, Flashheart enters the training room.''): Флэшхарт. Enter the man who wears no underwear. Ask me why!: Класс. Why do you wear no underwear, Lord Flash?!: Флэшхарт. Because the pants haven't built yet that'll take the job on!: […] : Флэшхарт. The first thing to remember is… always treat your kite like you treat your woman.: Джордж. Hah! How do you mean, sir? You mean, um… you mean, take her home over the weekend to meet your mother?: Флэшхарт. No. I mean, get inside her 5 times a day and take her to heaven and back!

: Оберлейтенант фон Герхардт. Prepare for a fate vorse than death, english flying fellow.: Блэкэддер. So, it's a traditional warm german welcome?: Оберлейтенант фон Герхардт. Also, he is saying do not try to escape, or you shall suffer ''even vorse''.: Блэкэддер. A fate worse, than a fate worse than death. That's ''pretty bad''.

:''George is trying to get permission to rescue Blackadder.: Мелчетт. Now George, you remember when I came down to visit you when you were a nipper, for your sixth birthday? You used to have a lovely little rabbit, beautiful little thing, remember?: Джордж. Yes sir. Flossy, sir.: Мелчетт. Thats right, Flossy. Do you remember what happened to Flossy?: Джордж. You shot him.: Мелчетт. Thats right. It was the kindest thing to do after it'd been run over by that car.: Джордж. By your car, sir.: Мелчетт. Yes, by my car. But that too was an act of mercy when you remember that dog had been set on him.: Джордж. Your dog sir.: Мелчетт. Yes, my dog, my dog. But the point is, George, that the state young Flossy was in after we'd scraped him off my front tire, will be very much the state young Blackadder will be in now. If not very nearly dead, then very actually dead.:''…: Джордж. But surely you must let me at least try to save him: Мелчетт. No George, it would be as pointless as trying to teach a woman the value of a good forward defensive stroke. It would take a superman to get him out of there, not the kind of weed who blubs just because someone gives him a slice of rabbit pie instead of birthday cake, hmm?

: Flasheart: Now, I may be ''packing'' the kind of ''tackle'' that you'd normally expect to find swinging about between the hind legs of a grand national winner, but I'm not ''totally'' stupid.

=Генерал Госпиталь=

:''Blackadder, Baldrick, and George are killing time in the dugout.'': Блэкэддер. I spy with my ''bored'' little eye… something beginning with 'T'.: Болдрик. Breakfast!: Блэкэддер. What?!: Болдрик. My breakfast ''always'' begins with tea. Then, I have a little sausage. Then, a egg with some little soldiers.: Блэкэддер. Болдрик, when I said it begins with 'T', I was talking about a ''letter''.: Болдрик. Nooo, it never begins with a letter! The postman don't come 'til 10:30.: Блэкэддер. I can't go on with this. George, take over.: Джордж. All right, sir. Um… I spy with my little eye… something beginning with 'R'.: Болдрик. Army!: Блэкэддер. Ради бога, Болдрик! 'Army' starts with an 'A'. He's looking for something that starts with an 'R'. Rrrrrrrr!: Болдрик. Motorbike!: Блэкэддер. What?: Болдрик. A motorbike starts with a 'Rrrrrrrrmmm'! Rrrrrrrr…: Блэкэддер. All right! Right, right, right! My turn again. What begins with 'Come here' and ends with 'Ow'?: Болдрик. I don't know.: Блэкэддер. Come here.:''Болдрик steps closer. Blackadder punches him in the face.'': Болдрик. Ooh!: Блэкэддер. Well done.

: Джордж. I ''hear'', with my little ''ear'', something beginning with 'B'.: Блэкэддер. What?: Джордж. Bomb.: Блэкэддер. I can't hear a bomb.: Джордж. Listen very closely.:''Pause. The sound of a bomb — getting very close indeed — can slowly be heard.'': Блэкэддер (''Impressed''). Oh, yes.:''The bomb hits; massive explosion.''

:''After Blackadder has been searched by Darling.'': Блэкэддер. What in God's name is going on?: Дарлинг. Security, Blackadder.: Блэкэддер. Security?: Мелчетт. "Security" isn't a dirty word, Blackadder… "crevice" is a dirty word, but not "security".: Блэкэддер. So in the name of security, all men entering the premises must have their bottom fondled by this drooling pervert?: Дарлинг. I'm only doing my job, Blackadder.: Блэкэддер. Well, how fortunate that your job is also your hobby!: Мелчетт. Now there's another dirty word: job!: […] : Дарлинг. The problem, Blackadder, is that there's a leak.: Мелчетт. Now, "leak" is a positively disgusting word.

: Дарлинг. So you see Blackadder, фельдмаршал Хейг is most anxious to eliminate all these German spies.: Мелчетт. Filthy hun weasels, fighting their dirty underhand war!: Дарлинг. And fortunately, one of our spies…: Мелчетт. Splendid fellows, brave heroes risking life and limb for blighty!

:''Melchett giving instructions on spycatching.'': Мелчетт. Yes, three weeks to smoke the bugger out. Use any method you see fit. Personally, I'd recommend you get a hold of a cocker spaniel, tie your suspect down on a chair with a potty on his head, then pop his todger between two floury buns and shout "Dinner time Fido!"

:''Darling expressing his concer about Blackadder's copetence.'': Дарлинг. I think I should go and keep an eye on Captain Blackadder: Мелчетт. You'll need a convincing wound.:''Melchett shoots Darling's foot.'': Мелчетт. Yes. A convincing wound…

:''Blackadder is interrogating Darling — on Darling's first night in the hospital.'': Дарлинг. This is ridiculous, Blackadder! You can't suspect me — I've only just arrived.: Блэкэддер. The first rule of counter-espionage is to suspect everyone, Darling. Believe me, I shall be asking myself some pretty searching questions later on. Now, what is the colour of the Queen of England's favourite hat?: Дарлинг. How the hell should I know?!: Блэкэддер (''Sinister''). I ''see''. What is the name of the German leader?: Дарлинг. Well, кайзер Вильгельм, obviously.: Блэкэддер. ''So, you're on first name terms with the Kaiser, are you''?!

:''Blackadder has tied up Captain Darling and is grilling him as if he were a German spy.'': Дарлинг. Look, I'm as British as Queen Victoria!: Блэкэддер. Значит, твой отец — немец, ты наполовину немец и женат на немце?: […] : Дарлинг. Ты пожалеешь об этом, Блэкэддер! You better find the ''real'' spy, or I'll make it very hard for you!: Блэкэддер. Please, Darling, there are ladies present.

:''Blackadder tells how he determined that Nurse Fletcher-Brown is the German spy.'': Блэкэддер. I then leapt on the opportunity to test you. I asked if he'd been to one of the great universities: Оксфордский, Кембриджский или Гулльский / Халлский.: Сестра Флэтчер-Браун. И?: Блэкэддер. You failed to spot that only two of those are great universities!: Сестра Флэтчер-Браун. Свинья!: Мелчетт. That's right! Oxford's a complete dump!

=До свидания-а-а…=

: Блэкэддер. Hello the Somme public baths. No running, shouting or piddling in the shallow end.

:''Blackadder is bewildered by George's enthusiasm for going 'over the top'.'': Блэкэддер. Well, for God's sake, George, how long have you been in the army?: Джордж. Oh, me? Oh, I joined up straight away, sir! August the 4th, 1914. God, what a day that was! Myself and the rest of the fellows, leapfrogging down to the Cambridge recruiting office and then, playing tiddlywinks in the queue. We'd hammered Oxford's tiddlywinkers only the week before and there we were, off to hammer the Boche! Crushingly superb bunch of blokes. Fine, clean-limbed… even their acne had a strange nobility about it.: Блэкэддер. Yes, and how are all the boys now?: Джордж. Oh, uh, well… Jacko and the Badger bought it at the first Ypres, unfortunately. What a shock, there. I remember Bumfluff's house-master wrote and told me that Sticky'd been out for a duck, and the Gubber had snitched a parcel sausage-end and gone goose-over-stump frogside.: Блэкэддер. Meaning?: Джордж. I don't know, sir, but I read in the «Таймс» that they'd both been killed.

: Блэкэддер. Мы сидим здесь с Рождества 1914-го, за это время миллионы людей погибли, а мы продвинулись не дальше, чем муравей-астматик, несущий тяжелый груз.

: Блэкэддер (''Болдрику''). Это кризис. Большой кризис. In fact, if you've got a moment, it's a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeting throughout, 24-hour porterage and an enormous sign on the roof, saying «Это большой кризис». Большой кризис требует большого плана. Принеси мне два карандаша и трусы.

: Блэкэддер. 'Til then, we've got bugger-all to do, except sit and wait.: Джордж. Oh, I don't know, sir! We could, uh… we could have a jolly game of charades!: Болдрик. Oh, yes!: Джордж. And, uh… sing-along with musical hits, like 'Birmingham Bertie' and, ah, 'Whoops, Mrs Miggins, You're Sitting on My Artichokes'.: Блэкэддер. Yes, I think 'bugger-all' might be rather more fun.

: Блэкэддер. Теперь, Болдрик, сделай мне кофе, и на этот раз сделай его вкус чуть менее похожим на грязь.: Болдрик. Боюсь, это не так просто, сэр.: Блэкэддер. И почему же?: Болдрик. Потому что это грязь. Кофе у нас закончилось 13 месяцев назад.: Блэкэддер. Блестяще. То есть каждый раз, когда я пил твой кофе, эти 13 месяцев я на самом деле пил горячую грязь.: Болдрик. С сахаром…: Блэкэддер. …Что существенно меняет дело.: Болдрик. Ну, если бы у нас был сахар, но он закончился в канун нового 1915 года. С тех пор я использую заменитель сахара…: Блэкэддер. …И это?..: Болдрик. Перхоть. Но я могу добавить молока на этот раз, то есть слюны.: Блэкэддер. Нет, спасибо, Болдрик. Можешь считать меня слишком разборчивым, но я думаю, я откажусь.: Болдрик. Наверно, потому что вы сумасшедший, сэр!: Блэкэддер. Да, вполне!

:''In probably the most poignant scenes of the series, Blackadder, Baldrick, and George sit in the dug-out, waiting for the big push. There is a real sense of time being on their hands.'': Болдрик. Permission to ask a question, sir.: Блэкэддер. Permission granted Baldrick, as long as it isn't the one about where babies come from.: Болдрик. No. The thing is — the way I see it, these days there's a war on, right? And ages ago, there wasn't a war on, right? So there must have been a moment where there not being a war on went away, right, and there being a war on came along, right? So, what I really want to know is how we went from one case of affairs to the other case of affairs.: Блэкэддер. You mean, how did the war start?: Болдрик. Да, сэр.: Джордж. The war started because of the vile hun and his villainous empire-building.: Блэкэддер. George, the British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe while the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika. I hardly think we can be entirely absolved from blame on the imperialistic front.: Джордж (''громко''). Oh, no sir! Absolutely not! (''Тихо; Болдрику.'') Mad as a bicycle.: Болдрик. I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich 'cause he was hungry.: Блэкэддер. I think you mean it started when the Archduke of Austro-Hungary got shot.: Болдрик. No, there was definitely an ostrich involved, sir.: Блэкэддер. Well possibly. But the real reason for the whole thing is that it would be too much effort not to have a war… you see, Болдрик, in order to prevent a war in Europe, two super blocs developed: us, the French and the Russians on one side, and the Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea was to have two vast, opposing armies, each acting as the other's deterrent. That way, there could never be a war.: Бордрик. Except, well, this is sort of a war, isn't it?: Блэкэддер. That's right, there was one tiny flaw in the plan.: Джордж. Oh, what was that?: Блэкэддер. It was bollocks.: Болдрик. So the poor old ostrich died for nothing.

: Болдрик. Hear the words I sing, war's a horrid thing, so I sing, sing, sing… ding a ling a ling.

: Болдрик. Это я назвал «Немецкие орудия».: Джордж. О, первоклассно! Да, давайте послушаем!: Болдрик. Бум, бум, бум, бум, / Бум, бум, бум, / Бум, бум, бум, бум.: Эдмунд. БУМ, БУМ, БУМ?: Болдрик. Как вы догадались, сэр?: Джордж. Надо же, сэр! Это жутко!

: Блэкэддер. Я думаю, эта фраза рифмуется с «подстрахуй». /I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell. {Go to hell! — Пошел к чёрту!}/

:''Вспоминая 1914 года.'': Болдрик. Remember the football match?: Блэкэддер. Remember it — how could I forget it — I was ''never'' offside! I could not ''believe'' that decision.

:''Darling has joined Blackadder, Baldrick and George on the front line.'': Блэкэддер. Капитан Дарлинг. (''Это первый раз, когда он так к нему обратился.''): Дарлинг. Капитан Блэкэддер.: Блэкэддер. Here to join us for the last waltz?: Дарлинг. Yes. Got tired of… folding the general's pyjamas.: Джордж. Well, this is splendid! Four comrades, going over, in the spirit of… sir?: Блэкэддер. Да, Джордж?: Джордж. Я… боюсь, сэр.: Болдрик. Я тоже боюсь, сэр.: Джордж. I mean, I'm the last of the Trinity Tiddlers. Я не хочу умирать! I'm not… overly keen on dying at all, sir.: Блэкэддер. How are you, Darling?: Дарлинг. Not all that good, Blackadder. Rather hoped I'd make it through the whole show. Return to work at Pratt and Sons, keep wicket for the Croydon Gentlemen… marry Doris. Made a note in my diary on the way here. It simply says… «Bugger (черт, черт побери, твою мать, блин)».: Блэкэддер. Well, quite.

: Блэкэддер. Don't forget your stick, лейтенант.: Джордж. Oh no, sir - wouldn't want to face a machine gun without this!

:''Заключительная сцена. After the British guns have stopped shelling.'': Дарлинг. Listen. Our guns have stopped.: Джордж. You don't think…?: Болдрик. Maybe the war is over. Maybe it's peace?: Джордж. Well hurrah! The big knobs have finally gotten around the table and yanked the iron out of the fire!: Дарлинг. Thank God! We lived through it! The Great War, 1914—1917! Гип-гип!: Все. Ура!: Блэкэддер (''Gently''). I'm afraid not. The guns have stopped because we're about to attack. Not even our Generals are mad enough to shell their own men. They think it's far more sporting to let the Germans do it.: Джордж. So we are, in fact, going over. This is, as they say… it.: Блэкэддер. Yes. Unless I can think of something very quickly…:''A call: "Company take one step forward!"'': Болдрик (''About the ladder''). Ooh, that's a nasty splinter on that ladder, sir!A bloke could hurt himself on that!:''Another call: "Fix bayonets!"'': Болдрик. У меня есть план, сэр.: Блэкэддер. Really, Болдрик. A cunning and subtle one?: Болдрик. Да, сэр.: Блэкэддер. As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning в Оксфордском университете?: Болдрик. Да, сэр.:''Another call is heard: "On the signal, company will advance!"'': Блэкэддер. Well, I'm afraid it'll have to wait. Whatever it was, I'm sure it was better than my plan to get out of this by pretending to be mad. I mean, who would've noticed another madman around here?:''A whistle blows, and is joined by several others.'': Блэкэддер. Good luck, everyone.:''He blows his whistle; the men go over the top.''

=Специальные выпуски=

=Чёрная Гадюка: годы роялистов=

: Рассказчик (''представляя Болдрика''). The other was the sole descendant of an unfortunate meeting between a pig-farmer and a bearded lady. History has, quite rightly, forgotten his name.

: Блэкэддер. I've assured him that he is as likely to be caught as fox being chased by a pack of one-legged hunting tortoises."

: Карл I (''Оливеру Кромвелю''). Вы пишете мою судьбу? Замечательно! Что ж, это чрезвычайно захватывающе, потому что так много людей в наши дни не умеют писать вообще!

: Блэкэддер. "Oh, damn — one measly civil war in the entire history of England, and I'm on the wrong bloody side!"

: Блэкэддер. "They will never find an executioner, and if they do, may my conjugal dipstick turn into a tennis racket."

: Блэкэддер (''complaining about Baldrick's singing''). Ради бога, прекрати это, Болдрик! It's bad enough having one's life in utter ruins without being serenaded by a moron with all the entertainment value of tap-dancing oyster.

: Блэкэддер. Not the first time that there's been a little something in your lap, Болдрик.

: Блэкэддер. You very small total bastard!

: Блэкэддер (''debunking Baldrick's plan''). Because, once you cut it off, you have to hold it up in front of the crowd and say: «Это голова предателя», at which point, they will shout back, «No it's not - it's large pumpkin with a pathetic moustache drawn on it».

: Болдрик (''other plan''). I thought, with the money I got from executing the King, I could sneak out and buy a brand-new king when no-one was looking, and pop him back on the throne without anyone noticing.

: Блэкэддер (''Болдрику''). Your head is as empty as a eunuch's underpants.

: Карл I. Well, I'm always absolutely fascinated to meet people from all walks of life, but, er, yes, particularly manufacturing industries.

: Блэкэддер. Well, at times like this, Baldrick, there is no choice for a man of honour. He must stand and fight, and die in defence of his future sovereign… Fortunately, I'm not a man of honour…

=Рождественская песнь Чёрной Гадюки=

: Блэкэддер. Да, мистер Болдрик, I fear that the only way you'll get 'a big wet kiss' this Christmas — or indeed, at any other time — would be to make a pass at a watercloset.

:''Болдрик talks about his Nativity play woes to the kindly Ebenezer Blackadder.'': Болдрик. At the last moment, the baby playing Jesus died!: Блэкэддер. Oh, dear! This high infant mortality rate's a real ''devil'' when it comes to staging quality children's theatre. What did you do?: Болдрик. Got another Jesus!: Блэкэддер. Oh, thank goodness. And his name?: Болдрик. Спот.:(''Blackadder stares at Baldrick.''): Болдрик. There weren't any more children, so we had to settle for a dog instead.: Блэкэддер. Oh, dear. I'm not convinced that Christianity would have established its firm grip over the hearts and minds of mankind if all Jesus had ever said was, "Woof!": Болдрик. Well, it went alright 'til the shepherds came on. See, we hadn't been able to get any real sheep, so we had to stick some wool…: Блэкэддер. … on some other dogs.: Болдрик. Yeah. And the moment Jesus got a wiff of 'em, he's away!: Блэкэддер. Oh no!: Болдрик. So while the angels are singing "Peace on Earth, goodwill to all men", Jesus is trying to get one of the sheep to give him a piggyback ride!: Блэкэддер. Oh, weren't the children upset?: Болдрик. Nah, they loved it! They want us to do it again next year for Easter. They want to see us nail up the dog.

: Блэкэддер. Вас нужно поздравить, мистер Болдрик, кажется, вы первый человек, написавший слово «Рождество», не угадав ни одной буквы. /You are to be congratulated, Mr. Baldrick — it seems that you're the first person to spell 'Christmas' without getting any of the letters right at all./

:''Эбенизер Блэкэддер brings in a pine twig for Christmas tree.'': Болдрик. It's a bit of a tiddler, ain't it?: Блэкэддер. Yes, but size isn't important, my friend. It's not what you've got, it's where you stick it!

: Миссис Скрэтчит (''sobbing''). No goose for Tiny Tom this year!: Блэкэддер. Миссис Скрэтчит, Tiny Tom is fifteen stone and built like a brick privy! If he eats any more heartily, he will turn into a pie shop!

:''In the court of Queen Elizabeth, Baldrick has just given Lord Blackadder a gift.'': Болдрик. You got anything for me?: Блэкэддер. Oh, it's nothing, really.: Болдрик. О сэр!: Блэкэддер. No, it's really ''nothing''. I haven't got ''anything''.

:''Лорды Блэкэддер и Мелчетт run into each other.'': Блэкэддер. А, Мелчетт! Greetings! I trust Christmas brings to you its traditional mix of good food and violent stomach cramp.: Мелчетт. And compliments of the season to you, Блэкэддер. May the Yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down.

:''Prince Regent George's butler, Edmund Blackadder, reluctantly joins his master's Christmas party.'': Принц Георг. Ah, hurrah! Welcome, lads! Ah, this is the stuff, eh? Christmas sherry and charades with honest, manly fellows! I mean, for heaven's sake, what can I do with a girl that I can't do with you, eh?: Блэкэддер. I cannot conceive, sir.

:''В далёком будущем «тройной муженоид» королевы Асфиксии XIX задаёт вопросы Гранд-адмиралу Блэкэддеру.'': Лорд Фрондо. Какие новости о мерзких мармидонах?: Блэкэддер. Рассеяны по девяти векторам, милорд.: Лорд Фрондо. А овцевыжималки со Шлёпикона-5? Их сливковысосали, /suckcreamed/ как наббо кварн-чудища /Qvarnbeast's nubbo/?: Блэкэддер. Ну, они ''мертвы'', если вы это имеете в виду.: Лорд Пигмот. Кроме этого, коммандер, вы победили нибл-пиблов?: Блэкэддер. Нет, милорд Пигмот, я не ''победил'' ''нибл-пиблов'', потому что вы их только что ''выдумали''.: Королева Асфиксия XIX. Ха-ха-хa-хa-хa! Превосходно, коммандер! You have most pleasantly wibbled my frusset pouch.

: Миссис Скрэтчит. С Рождеством, мистер Блэкэддер! Have you by chance found me a goose for Tiny Tom's Christmas? Or perhaps a little fowl?: Блэкэддер. I've always found you foul, миссис Скрэтчит, and more than a little. As for Tiny Tom's Christmas, he can stuff it up his enormous muscular backside.: Миссис Скрэтчит. Но он же калека!: Блэкэддер. Он ''не'' калека, миссис Скрэтчит. Occasionally saying 'phew, my leg hurts' when he remembers wouldn't fool Baldrick.: Болдрик. It did, actually.

:''A reformed Эбенизер Блэкэддер hands Baldrick the money he just lifted from his niece's fiance.'': Блэкэддер. Болдрик, я хочу, чтобы ты взял это, пошёл и купил индейку такую большую, как будто её мать трахал омнибус. /I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus./

:''Baldrick opens the door to find Queen Victoria, Prince Albert, and their aide prepared to give Blackadder a reward for his generosity.'': Королева Виктория. ''Мы'' королева Виктория.: Болдрик. Что, все трое?

=Чёрная Гадюка: назад и вперёд=

:''Blackadder enters the time machine with a cunning plan.'': Блэкэддер. Болдрик, у меня есть очень, очень, очень коварный план.: Болдрик. Is it as cunning as a fox what used to be professor of cunning at Oxford University, but has moved on, and is now working for the UN at the high commission of international cunning planning?: Блэкэддер. Yes, it is.: Болдрик. Хм… Это коварно!

:''Blackadder running away from the scottish hordes'': Блэкэддер. Come on Болдрик, last one in there gets hacked to pieces by Rod Stewart's great-great-grandfather

:''After getting an autograph, Blackadder floors Shakespeare with a right cross.'': Блэкэддер. ''Это'' за каждого школьника и школьницу в следующие 400 лет. Do you have any idea how much suffering you're going to cause? Часы проведённые за школьными партами в попытках найти ''хоть одну шутку'' в пьесе «Сон в летнюю ночь»… Years wearing stupid tights in school plays saying things like «What ho, my Lord!» and «Oh, here comes Othello talking total crap as usual…». А и вот ещё…:''Blackadder kicks Shakespeare's shin.'': Блэкэддер. ''Это'' за бесконечную несокращённую четырёхчасовую версию «Гамлета» Кеннета Бранна!: Шекспир. Кто такой Кеннет Бранна?: Блэкэддер. Я передам ему, что ты так сказал. И ''я'' думаю, он будет очень обижен.

:''Blackadder runs into Robin Hood.'': Робин Гуд. Am I Robin Hood? Is Will Scarlet a poof in tights? Is Friar Tuck a fat tub of lard with a ridiculous haircut?:'' Maid Marian emerges from the crowd and wraps herself around Robin.'': Робин Гуд. Is Maid Marian a hot little honey with thighs like two halves of a nutcracker?

:''After Blackadder's final time-meddling, he winds up King Edmund III, with the lovely Marian of Sherwood (Kate Moss) as his Queen. As the credits roll, a sing-along version of the Blackadder theme plays.'':Let joy fill every Briton's heart,:For now our country's going to make it.:At last a king who looks the part,:At last a queen who looks good naked.

: Блэкэддер. У меня есть всего лишь один вопрос для тебя… Почему ты такой замечательный?: Робин Гуд. Ха! Потому что это я.

=Внешние ссылки=

* [ http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/blackadder/ BBC Comedy: Black Adder 1485–1917 ]

* [ http://www.blackadderhall.co.uk/ Blackadder Hall ]

* [ http://www.british-sitcom.co.uk/blackadder The British Sitcom Guide ]

* [ http://www.ucf.ics.uci.edu/~lmeeker/blackadder.html The Exhaustive Blackadder ] (transcripts)

* [ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084988/combined IMDb: ''Black Adder, The'' (1983) ]

* [ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088484/combined IMDb: ''Blackadder II'' (1986) ]

* [ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092324/combined IMDb: ''Blackadder the Third'' (1987) ]

* [ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096548/combined IMDb: ''Blackadder Goes Forth'' (1989) ]

* [ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0137390/combined IMDb: ''Blackadder: The Cavalier Years'' (1988) ]

* [ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094754/combined IMDb: ''Blackadder’s Christmas Carol'' (1988) ]

* [ http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0212579/combined IMDb: ''Blackadder Back & Forth'' (1999) ]

* [ http://dmoz.org/Regional/Europe/United_Kingdom/Arts_and_Entertainment/Television/Programmes/Comedy/Blackadder/ Open Directory Project (ODP): Blackadder ]

* [ http://blackadder.powertie.org/ Powertie: A Blackadder Reference Site ]

* [ http://www.tvtome.com/BlackAdder/ TV Tome: Blackadder ]

* [ http://www.xs4all.nl/~zunqre/blackadder.htm Blackadder Facts by Zanaq ]